blast from the gangsta past- Thanksgiving 2009

Joey and I- Thanksgiving 2009

I used to be a thug. Joey is still a thug. I love that kid so much. :)

TGIF, again.

Today is Friday. Yay! 

I love the weekend! Not sure why since I live at work from Thursday-Monday...but I do. 

I have quite a lot of fun things going on this weekend and I'm pretty excited about it.

• I am going to Zion on Saturday with the mentor program for Horizon House! It should be tons of fun!
• I'm gonna be crafting up a storm for my Etsy store. 
• I am taking some family pics for April and her family. Ha ha, should be interesting. I'm excited and they're all super hot, so I'm sure it'll turn out great even with my not-so-fabulous photography skillz. 
• I am going to be trying to get donations for a Thanksgiving dinner that the mentor program is putting on for the community. We need used coats that people don't want anymore(any size), food, and people! If you want to help out, hit me up. It should be pretty awesome! 

Today I'm grateful for:

• L.O.V.E.
• my family <3
• Calv, of course.
• HHW
• my job
• my grandparents. both sets. i'm lucky they're all still around. and I've spoken to all of them in the last few days. sweet.
• my grandpa. he's pretty amazing. i've been hanging out with him a lot more lately and i love him so much. 
• my roomie.
• Ape Dawg
• trying new things
• my sponsor
• Tia- this lady does more for others than anyone i know. seriously, she's amazing.
• honesty. 
• hope
• my HP
• people who treat others with kindness all-the-time. great examples to me.
• the stupid sheriffs. sometimes they bug the shit out of me, but i am grateful for what they do...when they actually do their job and not just bug me all night.
• i'm grateful for all the opportunities i have today.

Ode to my kitty, Calvin

If you've ever met me or read this blog, you know about Calv. You may also know that I used to hate cats. And lets be real, I still hate most cats. There's something special about Calv...he's mine. Many of my blogging friends have children and they like to brag about them on their blog. I would like to take this post to brag about my kid, who also happens to be a cat. Here goes:

• Calvin is the best cuddle buddy I have ever met. Seriously, when he wants to cuddle, he's great. Sure, there are times when he doesn't want to cuddle and he bites my face instead. I still love cuddling with him.
• Calvin is feisty. He doesn't put up with shit from anyone. He may be small but he's got heart....and super sharp claws. Don't mess with my cat. 
• Calvin's full name is Calvin James Decker. He goes by Calv or Calvie. 
• Calvin likes to play. All.the.time. I can't really blame him, so do I! Sometimes when Calvin has his little Angry Bird toys (which happen to have bells in them) out I wanna throw them in the garbage can...instead, I just wait for him to accidentally lose them. Underneath our couch is home to about 10 cat toys at any given time. We only get them out for special occasions...like when we'll be gone.
• Calvin purrs a lot. I would guess if he were able to speak, he'd be at about 200 words by now and he's only 4 months old. Seriously, I have a smart cat people. He can almost read, too!
• Calv sleeps in the cutest positions...like with his head hanging off the bed or the couch. 
• Calv gets freaked out by his own tail.
• Calvin likes to poop in his liter box at the exact time I happen to be cleaning it out. Without fail, this happens every time. Sweet little guy...
• Calvie doesn't like to be tied down. He always finds a way to get his collar off or tries to choke himself with it...in the end, the collar never lasts more than two minutes. 

More to come later, I'm sure. I love little Calvin. :)

happie thursday

• i'm grateful for things that happen that don't make sense at the time, but then later on they make perfect sense.
• i'm grateful that i'm sober.
• i'm grateful for Calv.
• i'm grateful for my lappie. 
• i'm grateful for Cola. 
• i'm grateful i got to hang with my grandpa today. btw, if you ever want cheap, good food....eat at the hospital. seriously, cheapest menu ever. yum.
• i'm grateful that i'm going to bed right now. goodnight. :)

Is it really Wednesday? Cool, man.

one of the bags i made

• I'm grateful that I got 5 makeup bags completed and posted in my Etsy store. You can check them out HERE.
• I'm grateful that I got to hang out with my grandparents all day while I was sewing at their house. I'm gonna have to do that more often because it was fun to just be there with them.
• I'm grateful that I got to cuddle with my kitty all morning. 
• I'm grateful that I got to go to the SUU mens basketball game and they won! Thanks for being my date, again, April. :)
• I'm grateful that April is my official date for any sporting event known to man. Thanks dude. 
• I'm grateful that the SUU cop who was at the game and sat on the row behind me didn't have to arrest me for being drunk. That's pretty neat. I didn't even get nervous that he was sitting by me...except when I was yelling profanities at the referee...that's not illegal, right? 
• I'm grateful that I got to eat Subway for dinner. So delicious. mmmm
• I'm grateful that I got to have a day off and didn't waste it all sleeping. It didn't last long enough, but it was nice! 
• I'm grateful that I get to go to group tomorrow. Pretty sure I'm a hot mess and I like going and talking about all of my craziness. Weird, I know. . . 
• I'm grateful for a good roommate. I know I say it a lot, but it's true. Our apartment is way too small to have a roomie you don't like...I can't imagine. Thanks Jazz.
• I'm grateful for cute texts. 
• I'm grateful that I remember what I did last night. Pretty neat.
• I'm grateful that I have so many amazing people in my life.
• I'm grateful I got to pee in a cup to drug test today. Always a pleasurable experience. 
• I'm grateful that my sponsor invited me to "girls nite". She's way too cool for me and she invited me...awesome! :) 
• I'm grateful for my tattoos. I mean, sure, I have one or two that might not make much sense right now...but they're part of me and I like them. I can't wait to add this to it: 

i have the anchor and i really, really NEED to words now. i love it!

Hope ya'll have a fantastic day/night...whichever it is for you! 

So at basketball games during timeouts or halftime they have this thing called "Kiss Cam". They put the camera on two random people and expect them to kiss in front of everyone. At SUU they now started doing, along with the "Kiss Cam", the "Flex Cam" (where they put the camera on you and you flew your guns for everyone), and the "Dance Cam" (you dance, duh).

As I was sitting at the game tonight, praying I didn't get the one of the "cams" on me, April and I were talking about how they should have "Whore Cam" or"Wow, you have a lot of makeup Cam", or "Damn, can those shorts get any shorter Cam"...Enough with the kissing, people. Kissing gets old. Lets spice things up a bit.

What kind of "Cam" would you most like to see at SUU (or any other venue)?

tuesdays with Jilly

Have you read the book Tuesday With Morrie? If not, do it. It won't disappoint...unless you're a mean old person or something.

Anyway, today I'm grateful for:

• my day off <3 
• Calv for being my BFF
• crocheting
• netflix
• good friends
• Joey Bear
• my bed
• my warm house
• the breakfast burrito i made for lunch/dinner
• blog stalking other people who inspire me
• cruising 
• my cute little kitchen table. thanks dad
• that i didn't forget to call in for drug testing. 
• the fact that i didn't have to drug test today.
• looking forward to lots of good things to come while still enjoying the "right now"

a day in the life of a glamour gurl

It isn't easy being glamorous all of the time. I mean, it takes a lot of hard work and dedication- along with a lot of natural abilities. I've decided to share my secrets with the world. If you want to be a glam gurl (or beau), this is for you...


1. Never go anywhere without make-up. If zits are showing, you aren't rockin'. What if someone you know is there? Wouldn't it just be awful to be seen with your nude face on? Geeez. Don't do it. Ever.

2. Always apply a fresh coat of mascara before leaving the car. I keep separate tubes of mascara at work, in the car, in my purse (backpack), and in each room of my house. Never be left stranded without it. This could turn deadly. If possible, eyelash extensions are a must. Seriously.

3. Basketball and sweats should only be worn in bed, if at all. Seriously, how unglam would it be to wear them out in public. Major no-no.

4. Ponytails are for ponies, not people. Simple enough, right?

5. Lip gloss or lipstick is essential. Never have plain lips--they look think and just plain ol' blah.

Thanks for tuning in for the first "Glam" sesh. I hope you've all gained some beauty tips that are sure to impress. Now, go out into the world (or if you live where I live, Wal-Mart) and show all those other bitches what's up! Remember, being a glam girl isn't easy and isn't for the faint of heart. Happy trying.

reason #4859 that I love my job

Thanks to the trucker who ever-so-kindly removed the mouse from behind the counter for me and gave him a proper disposal. GAG!

Help!

I have a huge dilemma and a quite perplexing question:


Here's the problem. I happen to be an old maid. That's not the problem, though. The problem is that I am also a cat lady. Since I am an old maid, I like to crochet...and my cat really loves yarn, too.

HOW DO OLD MAIDS (WHO IN TURN, ALSO TURN INTO CAT LADIES) CROCHET? I mean, seriously, whoever decided that old maids should be cat ladies obviously never tried it. It's totally not working for me.

So if you know the answer, please share. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I love my cat AND I love crocheting but they don't seem to mesh.

monday already?

Monday's are like my Saturday. This is a very good thing. I plan to spend my day off crocheting and sewing, along with a hefty amount of sleep. For this, I am very grateful. I really do have a pretty great life today and I'm happy about that.

I am also grateful for family, friends, good food, and my kitty. Hope you all have a fantastic Monday and a great week to follow.

Monsters and stuff

Baby Monster Family

CLICK HERE for my Etsy page and to see more stuff...

Sunday, that one day...

Today I'm grateful for a cool boss. He makes work less of a bitch...most of the time. :)

Today I'm grateful for a couple extra hours of overtime. My paycheck needs a little padding.

Today I'm grateful for Diet Coke. Yummmmmm

Today I'm grateful that Britt (and her lover...and her other lover?) came and saw me at work. Cute.

Today I'm grateful that I got to see Joey in a "Ken" (as in Barbie and Ken) wig....priceless.

Today I'm grateful that I have been crafting for like 5 hours and I've been getting paid to do so. Bonus.

Today I'm grateful that I bought lots of veggies. I can't wait to go home and chow them down.

Today I'm grateful for true friends.

Today I'm grateful that it's not windy. The building feels a lot more secure tonight than the previous two nights...

Today I'm grateful for band-aids.

Today I'm grateful for Monster Cookies. I am going to do some serious baking when I get off work. I haven't had them in years and I'm stoked about it. Don't know what a Monster Cookie is? Click HERE.

Today I'm grateful that I got all my laundry done. And I even put it away. Usually I don't do that part.

Today I'm grateful for my new socks. They have aloe in them or something to promote healthy heals. I'll let you know...

Today I'm grateful for my cute new earrings. They were quite the find. I'm pleased.

Today I'm grateful for pandora.com---it surely helps time pass more quickly.

Today I'm grateful for you. :]

fall back.

Usually I'm really, really excited for the time change. Today that is not the case. I will be at work an extra hour instead of in my nice, warm, cozy, twin bed. Bummer.

Oh well, I guess there are a few perks..I will get yet another hour of overtime on my check and I like that. I guess that's the only benefit I can think of for this wonderful mishap. As for now, I'm crafting and I hope it snows 10 feet so that the truck stop will be even more dead than on a regular Saturday night. Wish me luck!

grateful for snow, snow, snow...

It's snowing outside and I'm working at the ol' truck stop. I am so grateful for the snow tonight. Don't get me wrong...I don't actually love snow, but tonight it's making work much more enjoyable. You see, people don't like to come out to the truck stop when it's snowing, apparently...I get to sit here all by myself and ponder on all the many questions about life I have. I think I'll enjoy this night with a warm cup o' Joe (what the hell does that even mean?) and a good movie.

Today I'm also grateful for lots of other things:

• I got to go to the SUU women's basketball game. They kicked ass and won by 20 points. I enjoyed myself and had some good friends with me, too. Score. 
• I got to cuddle with Calv all day in my nice warm bed. I love that little guy. 
• I didn't have to shovel any snow. 
• No one in my fam ended up in the hospital today. I'ts 11:36pm, so I may have spoken too soon...but I'm pretty confident that they're all safe in bed by now. 
• I shaved my legs. I mean, I usually do but today was just extra nice because I had new sweatpants to put on afterward. I love that feeling. 
• I got a really sweet note from someone today. That made my heart happy. I like getting notes/texts/e-mails/letters/etc randomly. 
• I ate a super delicious lunch (dinner) with Ape. Yummmmmmm.
• I turned something over to my HP that has been bugging the crap out of me. I don't have any control over the situation anyway, so it feels nice to let go. 
• I am grateful I still have friends after all the shit I've put them through. On the same note, I'm grateful my family still talks to me and from what I can tell, they still love me. 
• I am super grateful I don't work outside or driving a truck. My heart goes out to all of you. Seriously though, what an awful thing to have to hang out in snow all day. 
• I am grateful for love. Not romantic love, because lets be real, it's been a minute since I've had that, but just love in general. The kind that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy because you know someone cares about you. I like that. 
• I am grateful for water. I drank a lot of it today. I should drink more of it all the time. I forget how delicious it is...

Anyway, I'm off to my coffee and movie hour. Happy weekend! :]

graterade

i need me some serious gratitude list making. i'm being a hater today and it should stop. here we go. . .

• i'm grateful that i got to spend time with my grandparents today. 
• i'm grateful that grams is doing okay...
• i'm grateful that gramps seems to be doing okay, too.
• i'm grateful i got to see Enna for a bit today.
• i'm grateful that Avril is on the radio right now. emo fest.
• i'm grateful for Calv. He just cuddled with me today and i liked it. 
• i'm grateful that i got paid. 
• i'm grateful that i got new undies today. i love new underwear.
• i'm grateful that the house is clean.
• i'm grateful for good friends. I think I'd die without Bryan today. thanks man. 
• i'm grateful that i got to get my 6 month tag in NA with my group there with me. cool.
• I'm grateful for sweet text messages that come out of the blue. 
• i'm grateful for my HP.
• i'm grateful for HHW. 
• I'm grateful I got to go pee in a cup today. sometimes it just puts me in check. 
• i'm grateful that my dad let me borrow his car today. thanks dad.
• i'm grateful that i got to cruise with Ape today before work.
• i'm grateful i got to kiss Joey on two different occasions today. lucky me!
• i'm grateful that i had a delicious dinner of broccoli soup and a yummy sandwich, all of which i had prepared and frozen so i could be lazy and grab them real quick before work. 
• i'm grateful that people are so freakin' awesome. Joey got asked to Sadie Hawkins by the girl he's been crushing on hardcore. I don't know her, but apparently she's the shiz and I'm grateful that she's been so kind to Joe. He's the man.
• i'm grateful for Steph and Lisa. Cute little cousins. :)
• i'm grateful for Bud. He pretends to be bad ass, but he's cute when he's helping my grandparents. 
• i'm grateful for family.
• i'm grateful for hulu.com
• i'm grateful for Tia. 
• i'm grateful for basketball. i'm pumped for the game later today. 
• i'm grateful for britt face. i miss her, too.
• i'm grateful for Jazz. 
• i'm grateful that i got to talk to Jordan. miss her lots. 
• i'm grateful to be alive!
• i'm grateful i'm getting extra hours at work. and that i have a job. and that it's pretty legit. 
• i'm grateful for jackets. and shoes. 
• i'm grateful for my bra. wouldn't life suck without it? haha
• i'm grateful for jack, my ipod.
• i'm grateful for flowers and trees and grass. and sunshine. 

ah, yes. feelin' better about my life now. peace out!

back at it...

Since my last "grateful" list turned into a "hateful" list, I guess I'll start up the gratitude again. I do have a lot to be grateful for and I feel very blessed....it did feel pretty damn good to be hateful for a minute though. :]

• I'm grateful I have warm shoes on tonight. 
• I'm grateful for the warm sweater I wore to work. It's frigid in here!
• I am so grateful I get to see Joey anytime I want to. He's the man.
• I am grateful that it only snowed a little bit today. It was actually kinda pretty.
• I am grateful that I got to go to two football games and a basketball game in the last week. Sweet.
• I am grateful for my little kitten. He really is a cute little guy.
• I'm grateful to have 6 months a 2 days sober. Who woulda thunk?
• I am so grateful that my sponsor is helping me learn to be a spiritual person. She's amazing and I hope to be like her someday. :)
• I'm grateful that I get rides everywhere I need to be. Thanks for all who drive me. :)
• I am grateful I can pay my bills.
• I'm grateful my job allows me to blog all night. And anything else I want. And for my bosses. They are awesome!
• I'm grateful my grandpa is still alive and that I have a good relationship with him.
• I'm grateful that I get to learn how to have healthy relationships.
• I'm grateful that I'm able to be myself.
• I'm grateful that I get to believe what I believe...and not what someone else tells me to believe.
• I'm grateful that I have a phone! I like texting.
• I am grateful to have dishes that I get to wash.
• I'm grateful for a nice apartment to live in.
• I'm grateful that I get to be a whiny bitch whenever I want to be...
• I'm grateful for sleep. Without it, I'm a huge bitch.
• I'm grateful that my dad paid my student fees off so that I can get back into school sometime.
• I'm grateful to have so much support from my friends and family in Cedar.
• I'm grateful that I don't have time to get bored. Or at least very rarely.
• I'm grateful I'm healthy.
• I'm grateful for music.
• I'm grateful for face wash.
• I'm grateful that I don't get what I deserve.
• I am grateful I get to spend time with loved ones.
• I am grateful for the warm clothes I have.
• I am grateful that I got to hang out with rad people, watch basketball, and stay sober on Halloween.
• I am grateful that even though drinking sounds like a good idea, I'm still sober.
• I am soooo grateful for my sponsor and for her understanding and patience while still pushing me to do more.
• I am grateful for mascara.
• I'm grateful for all the things and people in my life.

Happy November!

Happy November, everyone. 

Hope it's a great month for all. I sure hope it's a super month for me, too.

I'm looking forward to

Thanksgiving,

basketball,

and cozy days watching the snow from inside the warmth of my house. 

negative Nellie

Sometimes I just have to be negative in order to see all the positives. Today I don't feel like being grateful (yet) so I'm gonna go on a rant. Excuse my negativity and blahness for a day. :]

• i hate that my feet are freezing cold because i chose to wear flip flops. 
• i hate that i'm wearing a disgusting long sleeve trucker shirt under my equally disgusting depot gas station shirt. haha 
• i hate that i don't get to see Joey more.
• i hate that it's gonna start snowing. i effing hate snow. a lot. 
• i hate that i am going to miss some basketball games because i get to go to group.
• i hate that my cat bites me and it hurts. the scratching is getting old, too.
• i hate that i have 6 months sober. sometimes i believe that drinking would make my life a lot cooler...and by that i mean i wouldn't have to feel shitty things. 
• i hate that i suck at being spiritual. not my strong point in life.
• i hate that i don't have a car.
• i hate that i have bills.
• i hate that my job is repetitive and at times (mostly) boring and lonely.
• i hate that my grandpa is doing chemo. 
• i hate that i love a girl who i can't be with. 
• i hate that i love girls? 
• i hate that sometimes i really believe that i'm gonna go to hell for being me. how lame.
• i hate that i don't have a cool phone like everyone else and their dog. 
• i hate that i don't have a dishwasher.
• i hate that my apartment is either freezing or boiling. no middle ground up in there.
• i hate that i'm a whiny little biotch tonight, sorryyyyyyyy.
• i hate that i'd rather sleep than do most anything else.
• i hate that i'm not in school. 
• i hate that i live in cedar city. i need change!
• i hate that i am tired all the time. 
• i hate that i can't afford insurance. 
• i hate that i'm too lazy to go running.
• i hate that my iPod has a sun spot right in the middle of the screen. 
• i hate that i have more zits today than i ever did as a teenager. wth
• i hate that sometimes life just isn't fair.
• i hate that people die.
• i hate that my toenail polish is looking pretty worn out....
• i hate that i don't own winter clothes anymore. whoops
• i hate that i'm not doing anything for halloween. not one thing...except sleep.
• i hate that drinking still sounds more appealing than not most of the time. 
• i hate that my sponsor is too nice to me. 
• i hate that make-up is so expensive.
• i hate that i really am having to try really hard to come up with shit for this list and it's getting a little ridiculous now...

love sucks. officically.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

Okay, perhaps it's not love that sucks...but sometimes it feels like it.

The end.

Weekend Bliss!

• I'm grateful that I had two whole days off in a row! YAY! Weekends were something I almost forgot existed without work. 
• I'm grateful that I got to go to SLC and party it up. And by party, I mean go to a football game. Joey is the coolest manager ever.
• I'm grateful I got to spend time with people that I freaking love.  A lot. 
• I am grateful that I got to go to lunch with my fam on Saturday for my 6 month sober party. Awesome.
• I'm grateful that I got free tickets for rad seats to the SUU football game on Saturday with April. Good game! 
• I'm grateful that I got to dress up and go to a Halloween party where everyone was sober. Weird, awkward, and funny.
• I'm grateful that I got two nights of sleep. I miss that. 
• I'm grateful that I've been sober 6 months and 1 day today.
• I'm grateful for old friends, new friends, and learning for the past. 
• I'm grateful to be alive! Time to start an awesome week!

• grateful for yarn
• grateful for Joey
• grateful for my grandma who taught me to crochet. 
• grateful for love
• grateful for netflix. i watched all of season one of Cake Boss tonight. 
• grateful for Code Red Mt. Dew. nom nom nom
• grateful for Britt's random texts. 
• grateful for dad
• grateful for my sponsor. she randomly called today and it was nice to chat for a min. 
• grateful for Ape and our cruises. who else could i laugh at weird little kids with?
• grateful for flip flops. 
• grateful that it wasn't sooooo cold today.
• grateful that 3 minutes after i posted my baby afghan on etsy.com someone asked about it! 
• grateful for sleeeeeep
• grateful that i'm happy!

maybe all you are is a part of a star on a long journey

• I'm grateful that Wednesday turned out to be much better than Tuesday. 
• I'm grateful for love.
• I'm grateful that I don't have to worry about some stuff anymore. 
• I'm grateful that I can drink Diet Coke all night to keep me awake. A blue Monster would be rad, but Coke is fine for now, I suppose.
• I'm grateful that I get to remember the good days and the bad days.
• I'm grateful that I got to spend 54 blissful days in the Horizon House. Today I kinda wished I was back in there where I didn't have to worry about anything but me. 
• I'm grateful that I get to have a job, and responsibilities, and all the good stuff.
• I'm grateful that I don't have a car. I don't have to scrape windows this winter, baby. ha ha 
• I am grateful for music, Marin, and words with friends. My night goes by much more quickly this way.
• I'm grateful that I got more than 5 hours of sleep yesterday. My mood was greatly improved because of this. 
• I'm grateful to be a woman...if only periods didn't suck so much ass. 

hump day.

• grateful for friends.
• grateful for being able to talk about how i'm feeling instead of getting drunk over stupid, petty shit. i would have been wasted today had it not been for some good friends. thanks Ape and Jordan. 
• grateful for the ability to be rational (i try, anyway)
• grateful that i got to go to lunch with dad
• grateful for shit that doesn't go my way. spices life up a bit.
• grateful that i get to work a 12 hour shift. extra hours=happy paycheck 
• grateful for the rain. seems fitting for today.
• grateful that JR's sells cup o' noodles. and for only 90 cents. what a steal!
• grateful for the donut that i ate. maybe it had been sitting out for 12 hours. and maybe i just don't give a shit. 
• grateful for calv. he really makes my day.
• grateful that i get to sleep in 10 hours. cannot wait. so tired. 
• grateful for horizon house. and all the amazing people i get to hang out with now because of it.
• grateful for hope.
• grateful that Jazz is back in town. my house was getting lonely.
• grateful i got to hug joey today. :)
• grateful for forgiveness. 
• grateful for love.

If I could crawl in a hole and never come out...

Today would be the day I would choose to do so.

Just FYI.

Tuesday Gratitude

• Today I'm grateful that I have a great support system.
• I'm grateful that Britt had a sleepover. Calv and I were getting pretty lonely.
• I'm grateful that I got woken up to my kitten biting my face off because he was hungry. Ah, the joys of parenthood. 
• I'm grateful for love.
• I'm grateful for Joey Bear.
• I'm grateful that it's almost November. I love Thanksgiving!
• I'm grateful for days off work. Refreshing. 

Etsy Shop is open, people! check it out.

Day Off begins in 7.5 hours!

• I am grateful for my fam. For realz. 
• I'm grateful for Calv. He slept all day with me and didn't bit my head off. Yay. 
• I am grateful for Joey and Dad. When they picked me up today they were both in full costume. Ha. Best thing ever. Batman and Billy Bob = awesome.
• I am grateful for vitamins. I swear they are making me feel better. I have been popping Airborne like it ain't no thang. Yum. 
• I'm grateful that I don't have to work on Monday night. yayyy. 
• I'm grateful that I get to play with Britt tomorrow night. Dinner, scrab, and anything else we wanna do. 
• I'm grateful for Netflix. And mostly I'm grateful it's free for a month. woot.

Weekend Bliss

This weekend has gone by rather quickly; since I've been at work the whole time, I'm rather grateful. I am just counting down the days for my Lagoon trip/shopping spree! Wahooooooo!

• I'm grateful for Calvin. He's been keeping me good company while the roomie is outta town. I almost bought him a huge dog bone today, but decided that I'll just put up with the bites on my arms for now.
• I'm grateful that I got to go to dinner with Dad and Joey today. Yum.
• I'm grateful that I got to see Tannie, grandpa, and grandma today. 
• I'm grateful that I have a good relationship with my fam (for the most part) today. 
• I'm grateful for my job. 
• I'm grateful for the documentary that Ashley let me borrow. It's interesting, for sure.
• I'm grateful for life!

I'm grateful, grateful, grateful...it's been a couple of days but I'm still here.

• Today I had the opportunity to attend a conference on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome in St. George. I had no idea what to expect but I'm so grateful that I got to attend, thanks to Horizon House. I learned so much and it made me so grateful for all that I have and all the amazing people in my life.
• I got to have veggie pizza (my fav) with my parents tonight. yum.
• I didn't have to work grave on Thursday. Thanks Shaina. Pretty sure I would have died at the conference.
• I just got a 3 hour nap in before work. I'm not sure it helped, but I liked it. 
• Calv was super cute when I got home from St. George. He even wanted to cuddle....and then he started biting me. Darn. 
• I'm grateful that my grandpa is doing alright. And I can't wait to see him again. 
• I'm grateful to have a strong support system. I have so many wonderful people in my life. 
• I'm grateful that I got next weekend off work so that I can go to Frightmares with Enna. AND I still get all my hours in at work. Thanks Kurt...
• I'm grateful for my HP. 
• I'm grateful for forgiveness. 

I hope ya'll have a super weekend! 

wigga wednesday

• i'm grateful for the 7am and the noon AA meetings. they've saved my ass this week. xoxo
• i'm grateful for all the people in AA that i've met. amazing people.
• i'm grateful that i get to spend time with grandpa for a minute at the hospital today.
• i'm graetful that i get to go learn about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome on Friday. cool.
• i'm grateful that i got to get a few extra hours of work in tonight and that i got to listen to my ipod and stock the cooler the whole time. <3
• i'm grateful for the broccoli soup i'm still eating 3 weeks after making it. frozen soup in small baggies is amazing. 
• i'm grateful that i still have enough food to last me another paycheck. i stoked up good at the beginning of the month and it's lasting a long time. wahooo.
• i'm grateful for calv even though he clawed my eyeball today. ouch.
• i'm grateful for wonderful friends and family.
• i'm grateful that lagoon is coming up. i'm looking for AA meetings up that way, too.
• i'm grateful for Joey.
• i'm grateful for tissues. i can't take cold/allergy medicine. i'll take whatever i can get. i'd kill to be able to take some Nyquil right now...just sayin.
• i'm grateful that i get paid tomorrow. i need to buy some warm clothes. and a lagoon ticket. and pay my bills, of course.
• i'm grateful for love. love love love.

just some random thoughts

Today while I was at the hospital in the waiting room with my grandpa we somehow got on the subject of death. He was talking about my uncle who passed about last November and how he was a good man and all that jazz. Then we started talking about my cousin, Kristen, who also passed about last November. We talked about funny things that we remembered about her and stuff and then he said, "well it's too bad she went to hell". I was kind of shocked, but mostly sad. I sat there unsure of what I should say. I waited a minute and then I just told my grandpa that I'm sure she didn't go to hell. He looked at me like I was crazy and I told him that the God I believe in loves everyone and that Kristen was a good person. I told him what I believed and he seemed kind of shocked. I love my grandpa and I didn't want to be rude...good thing it was him that told me that or I probably would have freaked out. I know he means well and just believes what he believes.

So now I'm wondering...does my grandpa really believe that just because someone was an alcoholic they are going to hell? And not just "someone", she is his granddaughter and he loves her. Is there some unwritten code in the LDS church that says if someone is an addict they are obviously bad people? Bad enough to be damned for all eternity? I do not believe so. Not one tiny little bit. I can't speak from an "LDS" or religious standpoint but I know that I sure as hell wouldn't want to be associated with something that would have me believe that my loved ones are "going to hell" because they didn't conform to my same beliefs.

I believe that God is loving and kind. I believe that we all fight different battles and God knows what is in our hearts. I believe that God wants the best for us. I do not believe that because someone isn't how we think they should be, that they are going to hell. Eff that.
 Maybe I'm just a young, dumb girl. All I know is that I will never believe in a God that would punish someone for something they had been fighting their entire life. No thanks.

Sorry for the rant..

Oh, and yes, I love my grandpa dearly. This is not about him. This was just in general. 

Tuesday already?

Seems like my "day off" isn't really a day off at all. I want a vacation!

• I'm grateful that I got to spend time with my grandpa today. 
• I'm grateful that I got to show up and be there for gramps when he needed someone. 
• I'm grateful that I believe what I believe. 
• I'm grateful to have good health.
• I'm grateful to still have all my grandparents.
• I'm grateful I was able to sneak away and go to the noon AA meeting.
• I'm grateful that I got to sleep. I may have wasted my night off doing it, but it sure felt good.
• I'm grateful for my roomie. She did my dishes. Lots of them. 
• I'm grateful for lotion. I love it. 
• I'm grateful for yarn? haha
• I'm grateful for diet Coke. What would my life be like without it? 
• I'm grateful for my dad. He's the best person I know.
• I'm grateful for my grandma. It was so cute to see her kiss my grandpa goodbye today when I picked him up. I love how in love they are, even after all these years. 
• I'm grateful for family. My family.
• I'm grateful I bought a groupon coupon for Dairy Queen a few weeks ago. I used it today and it was well worth it. 
• I'm grateful for Calv. He's a butt head sometimes, but he's so cute when he's sleeping on the pillow next to me. 
• I'm grateful to have an HP that loves everyone. Including me. 
• I'm just grateful today, that's all.

just to add a little chuckle to your day....

I am going to run the Las Vegas Rock n' Roll Half Marathon.

Laugh it up. I am too. I think it'll be fun to experience the joys of "runners high" (which I have never in my entire life run long enough or far enough to experience) and to hear the music. Mostly, I'm doing it for the music, just in case I never feel the "high".

Wish me luck! I'll need it.
you can click HERE to find out more about this race

Breat Cancer Fundraiser = I'm gonna look like a fool

I'm gonna run the 5k in St. George on Saturday. And by run, I mean die. I haven't been running in a long, LONG time...obviously. I'm excited to do it and maybe i'll be motivated to run this week to "prepare". I know, I know...a 5k is really not that far.

HOWEVER, I'm a fat kid and I like to eat and sleep. Running doesn't really fit into my life as of right now. Hopefully I really won't die and maybe I'll be able to finish.

Wish me luck!
Click here to find out more about the breat cancer run.

Monday, yay

• I'm so grateful for a day off. When I leave work at 7:30am I don't have to come back until Tuesday at 5pm. What a relief!
• I'm grateful to be sober.
• I'm grateful to have good friends.
• I'm grateful that I have a job.
• I'm grateful for the weather. It's been so nice!
• I'm grateful for Calv and Jazz, my roomies. 
• I'm grateful that I get to be there for my grandpa today and take him to his dr. appointment.  
• I'm grateful for sleep, when I get it...
• I'm grateful that I'm going to Lagoon soon. I've been looking forward to this for a long while. 
• I'm grateful for good health. 
• I'm grateful for cheeto puffs. yum

sunday, again...

• i'm grateful that i woke up to go to the mentor meeting. it was rough to get outta bed, but it was good to be there.
• i'm grateful that the afghan i'm making is almost complete. i'm gonna try selling them on etsy...wish me luck. 
• i'm grateful that i have a job that i can watch movies and crochet. haha
• i'm grateful that i get to see my gramps tomorrow. 
• i'm grateful that i got to go to Sunday dinner at my parents house.
• i'm grateful that i'll have a car tomorrow so i can go to the noon AA meeting. 
• i'm grateful that i woke up in time to do the dishes. they were buggin'. 
• i'm grateful that i get to see Joey nearly everyday. he picked me up from work this morning with my dad. he was sporting a sideways CHS hat and a baller outfit. what more could a girl ask for? 
• i'm grateful that i can drink coffee. i hate it, but if i can't have energy drinks it's better than nothing...
• i'm grateful that Britt came and visited me at work for like 6 hours of my 14 hour shift. yay.
• i'm grateful that Jordan brought us donuts. how thoughtful. :)
• i'm grateful that i'm going to get to run the 5k in St. George for the breast cancer fundraiser with April on Saturday. 
• i'm grateful to have my life. yay

• I'm grateful that I got plenty of sleep today. Seems like I usually only get a couple hours at a time, but today I slept all in one chunk. Coooooool.
• I'm grateful for my mom. 
• I'm grateful for drug testing. I like talking to the staff while I wait 30 minutes to pee 3 drops. 
• I'm grateful for Joey. 
• I'm grateful for my dad.
• I'm grateful for Jazz. Awesome roomie. 
• I'm grateful for Calvy. He's the bomb.
• I'm grateful for my sponsor. 
• I'm grateful for Cor and Lil. And Cade. 
• I'm grateful to have a house.
• I'm grateful to be happy and healthy.

Finally, it's Friday!

• I'm grateful that I got to have breakfast with Enna yesterday. 
• I'm grateful that I go to go to HHW and carve some pumpkins, eat some delicious food, and most importantly, hang out with some pretty rad women. 
• I'm grateful that I have a job. And also grateful that my boss is giving me lots of hours. Thanks Kurt Kurt. 
• I'm grateful that my grandma taught me how to crochet when I was a wee little gal...seriously, she taught me when I was like 5. Now that takes a lot of patience. My grandma rocks. 
• I'm grateful that my grandma thought of me last night. I need to spend more time with her. I haven't been good at that the last few years (big surprise), but I really miss her. 
• I'm grateful for Joey. Always. :)
• I'm grateful for Sof Kat. She's such an amazing person.
• I'm grateful that my dad bought himself a car. Furreal, it's about damn time, Dad. ;) 
• I'm grateful that I have gum because I really like it. 
• I'm grateful that the effing nasty trucker that asks me to rub his back finally left. Thank you, HP. Furreal.
• I'm grateful that I'm watching a lifetime movie on Hulu.com. Awesome. 
• I'm grateful that the milk man knows my name and is always super friendly and not creepy. He has a great attitude for such a shitty job (in my opinion). Who really wants to wake up at 2am to deliver milk to a truck stop? He's a pretty cool guy.
• I'm grateful for my dad. 
• I'm grateful to be alive.

Life is funny sometimes...

Last night my grandma called my cell phone.
Now, to most this would not seem out of the ordinary, but for me it's pretty epic. Last I knew my grandma thought that in order to call my cell phone she had to call from a cell phone too. She doesn't have a cell phone so I don't think she's ever actually called me until tonight. Weird.

Anyway, she called me and I was shocked. She asked me to go to a concert with her because my grandpa wouldn't go with her...typical. I couldn't go to the concert because I had committed to be somewhere else at the same time. I tried to find my grandma a date and it didn't work.

Now it's 10 hours later and I feel awful. I really love my grandma and would have loved to go with her to the concert. I know that I don't have much time left with her (she's old) and I feel sad and a little guilty that I didn't get to go.

The point of this little story is that I wish I could be in like 10 places at once. I mean I could be at the concert, an AA meeting, work, HHW carving pumpkins (which, BTW, was a blast), sleeping, hangin' with Joey, in Vegas, in SLC to go to Lagoon, etc. But instead I get to be in one place. I get to be in Cedar City, Utah, working at a truck stop and crocheting an afghan that I'm going to try to sell on Esty because my sister said that I could make some money.

This week I'm gonna make time to go see my grandma. I don't wanna regret not being able to hang out with her tonight...life is just too short to have regrets, I suppose.

Moral of the story?
Go call/visit your grandma.  (this is a note to self, mostly)

Thuggin' it up on Thursday

• I'm grateful for my HP today. I think that about sums it all up, yo.

big thanks

Thanks to those of you who have replied to THIS post I wrote about my Higher Power (God). I really do love hearing what people believe in and how they understand their higher power. I'd love to hear from more of you...

Wigga Tuesday?

• I'm grateful that I got to go to an AA meeting tonight with my sponsor. Cool.
• I'm grateful that I got to spend time with Enna today.
• I'm grateful that I got a new nose ring. It's cute. And purple. 
• I'm grateful that Calv and I hung out all day. ha 
• I'm grateful for my health.
• I'm grateful that I have power...even though paying that bill today really wasn't that rad. 
• I'm grateful that I have a bed. 
• I'm grateful for the awesome smoothie I made today. It's bomb. I've made everyone I've come in contact with try it. 
• I'm grateful to be alive!

MoNdAy YaY

• I'm grateful that when I get off work at 7:30am, my day off begins! I will get sleep! wahoo.
• I'm grateful that I have movies to watch at work. Thanks Jazz.
• I'm grateful for my sissy poo. I got to see her for a min today. 
• I'm grateful that I start running today with April. This shit will rock!
• I'm grateful for Calvin. :) 
• I'm grateful for HHW.
• I'm grateful to be sober. 
• I'm grateful for the HP.
• I'm grateful for hope.
• I'm grateful for unconditional love.
• I'm grateful for you.
• I'm grateful to be alive.

Peace!

SUNday

Except there is no sun today. Shoot. It's freezing!

• I'm grateful that my long ass shift is more than half over. yay.
• I'm grateful for warm clothes. 
• I'm grateful for my fam. 
• I'm grateful to be sober. :)
• I'm grateful for my HP..God. 
• I'm grateful that Calv cuddled with me all day.
• I'm grateful to have great friends.
• I'm grateful for love.

What do you believe in?

So, I know most of you are probably LDS and that you believe in God..and that's cool. I think it's cool to hear what others believe and why- so if you're reading this, send your thoughts my way. You can e-mail me at jdecker2000@gmail.com or post a comment. You don't have to tell me who you are or anything, no worries.

Today someone asked me to tell them about my higher power (someone at the Horizon House where I went to rehab). I was kind of shocked. I mean, I donno why they would wanna know what I believe. I do believe. I guess it's just different to believe in a higher power than to actually sit down and define what my higher power is to me. But I did it.

I am not religious, nor do I wish to be. I believe that spirituality is what I need and that I can have a great relationship with my higher power regardless of having a religion or not. Before I went to Horizon House I hated God. I hated everything about the idea of God. To put it nicely, I had a lot of resentments toward the God I grew up believing in. I was taught that I had to be a certain person in order to be saved and to be loved. I didn't fit the mold and I was told I was going to hell. I had a lot of guilt and shame for being me.

I still don't really know exactly what to believe or what I think, but I know that I am loved and that I am a good person. I know that I don't have to fit a mold to be "saved". The God I believe in is understanding, patient, loving, kind, and accepting. I choose to call my God, HP (higher power). I  still can't let go completely of all the things I feel about the God I was raised with, so to avoid connecting the two, I have two separate names for them even though I believe it is the same God I was raised with...my perception and knowledge has just shifted.

I believe that above all, God wants me to be happy and successful. I believe that God wants that for all of us. No matter what our religious views, gender, social class, sexuality, race, ethnicity, etc. My God is love. Unconditional love. How awesome is that? I think it's pretty awesome.

So tell me...what do you believe? What's your HP?

saturday already?

Wow! Happy Saturday. It's 4:33am right now. Wow. I've been at work for a long time and I'm ready for bed. Only 3 more hours and then I get a little break. Thank goodness.

• I'm grateful that I still have a job. 

• I'm grateful that I get to go home and cuddle with Calvin. 

• I'm grateful for people who care about me and love me. 

• I'm grateful for "recovery protection" 

• I'm grateful for communication. 

• I'm grateful for forgiveness :)

• I'm grateful that Joey and dad came and saw me at work tonight. 

• I'm grateful that I am alive! and happppppppppy. 

Halloween. The joys...

So, I've never been a huge Halloween fan. I mean, seriously, I hate it. I hate dressing up. I hate being outside in the cold begging for candy. Not just any candy, but the cheap ass lame kind of candy that isn't worth begging for anyway. I'd rather just buy the candy I like and sit in my house and watch a movie or something. This year, I think I'll stay home and hand out candy to the little kids. Never done that before.


Maybe I'll dress up and be festive at home. Who knows? My sister informed me that Big Lots has ANIMAL costumes. So I know one thing for sure...Calvin WILL be dressing up even if I don't. HAHA

So...what should Calv be for Halloween?

TGIF, again.

Seems like Friday's don't last long enough and Monday comes too soon. Good thing I'll be at work all of this Friday except the hours between 7:30am and 5pm. Awesome. ha.

Just wanted to document my first time wearing real shoes since....um, last winter when I was in Utah for something. It's been a long while. I miss the Las Vegas weather right about now....

• I'm grateful for caffeine and that I'm allowed to drink it. Shiz. 
• I'm grateful for my jacket. It's freezing in this joint. 
• I'm grateful that my shift is half way over. yay.
• I'm grateful that I get to go home and sleep. I'm tired.
• I'm grateful that I get to go to Homecoming with Joey tomorrow. woot.
• I'm grateful that even though I won't be getting much sleep this weekend, I'm sober and I won't die. Sweet. Well...I may die, but it won't be because I was drunk or something stupid. 
• I'm grateful that I get to go home to my own house and shower in my own shower and sleep in my own bed. 
• I'm grateful that Calv will be ready to cuddle when I get home. And even if he's not, I'll make him anyway. 
• I'm grateful for clean laundry. Yum.
• I'm grateful that T Dog told me that you can freeze soup. Furreal, we woulda been eating broccoli soup for a month. Instead, I just froze most of it. Sweet. 
• I'm grateful that I shaved my legs today. I like that. 
• I'm grateful that I have anything and everything I need. Plus some. Life is good. 
• I'm grateful that I'm happy and healthy.

oops, i missed a couple...

Grateful on Thursday, of course.

• I'm grateful that I have a house. For real, it's freezing outside. It's pretty effin' cold in the house but I can't imagine what it'd be like without it!
• I'm grateful I got to hang out with Jordan, Anne, and Joey today! <3
• I'm grateful that I have Calvin. He keeps me company and I love him. 
• I'm grateful that I found some sweaters today. I don't have any winter clothes, so I gotta do something about that. 
• I'm grateful that I didn't have to be outside in the snow today. Gross!
• I'm grateful that I'm getting extra hours at work. I need money, lets be real.
• I'm grateful that I have an amazing fam and friends. Love ya'll.
• I'm grateful that I also go to hang with April and Jazz today. 
• I'm grateful that I get to do laundry at work, while I play on facebook and my blog. Seriously, awesome job!
• I'm grateful that Enna is gonna make me some cute earrings! I love them and I can't wait!
• I'm grateful that I have food in the house to eat. 
• I'm grateful that I quit snusing 4 days ago! I haven't wasted as much money as usual. Cool!
• I'm grateful that I got to have a sleepover with Britt earlier this week (Tuesday night, I think). 
• I'm grateful that I have warm shoes. Today is my first day wearing them. Not as cool as the flip flops, but definitely warmer. Bonus.
• I'm grateful that my HP knows what's up.

seriously, today can kiss my ass.

I'm glad you're almost over. Tomorrow can't get any worse, so here's to having a great Tuesday.

just like drivin' on an open highway...

I'm grateful for:

• (I know I say this daily, but it's true) I LOVE CALVIN. For realz, guys. He's so effin' cute. I just love him. I really think I'm a crazy cat lady or something. I just hope I keep loving him this much even when he's big. :]  And by the looks of things, Calvin really loves me too. I have scratches all over my arms from trying to cuddle with him. ha ha

love is a battle field, i guess...

•  This dude. I'm grateful that I'll be getting to spend a whole lotta time with him this week. He makes me smile all the time. And he's a big teddy bear. Pretty sure Joey has seen me cry more than anyone and he just hugs me. Best.Brother.Ever. I get to go to Homecoming with him and Shayla (his date). I am so pumped!

 

• I'm grateful for these girls: Christina (my old roomie in Provo), Enna (my beautiful baby sis) and Jock (one of my best friends).  

 

• I'm grateful for people who give me rides to work, meetings, etc. And I'm grateful that my dad lets me use his car, too. Thanks ya'll.
• I'm grateful for new people that I'm meeting who have been through hell and back, and they are still freaking amazing. Everyday I'm amazed at some of the things I hear; I'm grateful to be associated with some pretty awesome people. 
• I'm grateful to be the only "Jr. Mentor" at HHW. (yes, I got my own title. Don't worry about it). 
• I'm grateful to be sober. 
• I'm grateful for 3 channels instead of just one. Woot! 
• I'm grateful for a roomie who "gets it". I couldn't ask for a better friend. 
• I'm grateful for the new meeting house! Awesome!
• I'm grateful to be happy today.

Sunday: that one day

• Wow, I am truly grateful to be alive and where I am today. Last night I was able to go to the AA meeting and hear someone share their story.  I don't usually go to the Speaker Meetings but I went last night and I'm so grateful that I did. 
• I'm grateful that I get to hang out with Calv today. I love that little guy.
• I'm grateful that I'm going to hang with Corinne today.
• I'm grateful that I didn't wake up and feel like I was going to die. Literally.
• I'm grateful that I want to be alive. 
• I'm grateful that I get to show up and be there for others today.
• I am so grateful for Joey. :) 
• I'm grateful for my understanding of my HP. And for the people who taught me what I needed to know in order to do that.
• I'm grateful for my family. 
• I'm grateful to be me. 
• I'm grateful that after I write this I'm going back to bed for 2 hours.

Peace out.

Happy October

Although this is the time of year I start bitching about how much I hate winter, I actually really love fall! I love all the smells, the colors, the weather. I love it all. When I got to work tonight I looked at the calendar and found out that it is indeed October. Wow! Where the hell did all the time go?! I feel like it was yesterday that I was living in Las Vegas, yet it's been 5 months. I feel like my life has been a blur and now I'm in October.

I can't wait to see what the next year brings me! And I'm even working on embracing winter. Wish me luck...but for now, lets enjoy FALL!

Oh and to all of you who will be watching conference this weekend, enjoy!

you know the days you just don't wanna get out of bed? be grateful

I didn't wanna get outta bed today. But I did. And I had a freaking good day.

• I'm grateful that I woke up today in time for my "Recovery Protection" group. 
• I'm grateful that I went to the 8pm NA meeting. It was a good one.
• I'm grateful that I ran into some cool dudes who told me about a candlelight AA meeting that I was also able to attend before coming to work. It was also very good.
• I'm grateful that instead of sitting around crying for myself, I got to be with other people who care about me. Cool. 
• I'm grateful that I'm at work. Still have a job! 
• I'm grateful for good music. 
• I'm grateful that I get paid on Wednesday. 
• I'm grateful that I'm drinking a Coke and about to eat some yummy "lunch".
• I'm grateful for my familia. 
• I'm grateful that even after all the stupid shit I've done, there's still hope for me. ;) 
• I'm grateful for the time I got to spend with Jordan. She'll always be a part of my heart but I guess maybe it'll just be different than how I'd like it to be. Such is life, I guess.
• I'm grateful for my kitty. Gosh, he really brightens my day. I hated cats until Calv. For realz. He's so cute.
• I'm grateful that I don't work Saturday night. I can actually sleep and stuff. 
• I'm grateful that my roomie likes things tidy. Our house stays fairly clean and I like being there. Oh, I'm grateful to have the roomie I have...she's awesome!
• I'm grateful I'm healthy!
• I'm grateful I get to spend time with my grandpa and grandma on Wednesday. Road trip! :)
• I'm grateful for colorfulness. In all senses. 
• I'm grateful that even though my fam doesn't agree with everything about my lifestyle, they still let me come over and stuff. I'm lucky. 
• I'm grateful that I have a bitchin' support system of friends and others who care about me. 
• I'm grateful to be alive!

Oh, and side note: I have my next tattoo all planned out. OMG, stoked!