i like to tweet

I've had Twitter for a long time...but only recently have I become an avid "tweeter". I love it. I love re-tweeting the most. People say some really amazing things. Instead of continuing to blow up my twitter, I'll post some of my favorites of today on here so that I can laugh at them later when I'm bored or depressed.

But first, I just gotta say it. I think I might finally be over the basketball scene for a minute. I mean, I'm pretty sure that SUU girls lost by 30 points tonight and it's just getting to be a little too depressing for me. The only good part of the game tonight was the dude that got kicked out because he was yelling at the ref. I cheered for the dude because the ref was a total dick.

Lets be real, I'm sure I'll be ready for more b-ball in the morning when I wake up refreshed...but until then, I'm over it. Maybe I'll focus on the Jazz now......ha ha.

I guess I already re-tweeted all the cool tweets for tonight...but maybe someday I'll post some on here...

Today I'm grateful:

• that I got to hang out with Enna and Ape at the b-ball game. i got a little crazy and i'm grateful they didn't disown me..
• that Calv is cuddled up next to me. he's the best kitty in the world.
• that i got plenty of sleep today. ah yes, love days off work. 
• that i went running! feels amazing!
• for lettuce wraps and carrots. nom nom nom..
• i have a diet coke w/ vanilla next to me. heavenly...
• that the fridge and stove work...the lights and one side of the kitchen outlets are currently MIA. 
• to have indoor plumbing. furreal, it's way too cold to go outside to take a dump....
• that i woke my ass up in time to clean the house a little bit. pretty sure i swept up like 2 pound of cat litter....gag.
• for loveeeeee
• that i am meeting new friends
• that i can wear socks with my new sandals. don't judge me. 

HaPpy Tuesday. 

you kiss my smile, i'll pull you closer...just gettin' to know ya.

So, I have this friend named Jack. He happens to be my iPod; he holds 80 gigs and he's pretty much the coolest dude (thing) ever. He currently holds 5000 songs, a few pictures that I no longer care to look at, and a few games that I don't know how to play. You see, Jack used to be in a relationship with Limewire. They were the best of friends, always sharing. And then one day a law was passed; Jack and Limewire could no longer be together. Jack has been a lonely sucker for a while now...

Well, luckily for Jack, I set him up with iTunes and so far, it's love at first sight. Jack is getting lots of TLC. The only downside is that dating is so expensive these days. It has been far too long since Jack (or I) had been on a date and now it's all coming back. Not sure how we'll afford to keep up this relationship, but we'll do our best. For now, Jack and iTunes are going strong...and I don't foresee a break-up anytime in the near future..

So, here's the top ten songs from....well, yesterday [in no particular order]  <3

• Toms Diner by Suzanne Vega & D.N.A.
• Loving You Tonight by Andrew Allen
• Paradise (acoustic version) by Tyler Ward
• Missed the Boat by Modest Mouse
• Lake Michigan by Rogue Wave
• Ships in the Night by Mat Kearney 
• We Are Young (feat. Janelle Monae) by Fun. 
• Say You Like Me by We Are Kings
• Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men
• Blood by The Middle East

He'll be getting a photo update soon. I have lots of awesomeness for him. Maybe I'll post some of them here, too. For now, Jack and I are both happy. Especially me. New music = heaven. 

Thanks to iTunes for making us both feel like new people. Oh and I'll keep downloading the "Free song of the week" each week...even if I hate it. 

9 months sober and other things of interest (or maybe not...)

I can't believe that today I have not had a drink in 9 months! 9 months! Holy cow... In the last nine months I've learned a lot, done a lot, and wanted to drink a lot (on occasion). It hasn't been all rainbows, but it's been pleasant for the most part. I didn't die like I once thought I would if I couldn't drink.

In the last nine months I:

• met some of the most wonderful people on earth, i swear. 
• lived with 8 other girls and sometimes didn't leave the house for days at a time. oh rehab, how i miss you. ha ha 
• got to help put on a wonderful thanksgiving dinner for people who didn't have anywhere to go. <3
• got a sweet house and an awesome roomie.
• met the only cat in the world that i love. Calvie rocks my world. 
• learned about scooping litter boxes first hand...a little too many times, but it's all good. 
• missed people everyday. 
• learned that i don't get to control everything...but dammit, i still try. 
• cried a lot. 
• laughed more than i thought was possible sober...or at all. 
• learned that i should never date anyone. ever again. but i probably will. ha 
• cuddled with my cat instead of going to parties....sober or otherwise. i just don't like to party anymore. period. 
• hung out with my grandparents more than i have in my entire life and it's the coolest thing ever. 
• was single. And oddly okay with it. I haven't even touched anyone. At all. Ever. 
• went to more basketball games than i had in the previous 6 years or more. best thing ever. 
• helped with sub4santa and loved it. one of the coolest things i've ever done. 
• have been a hermit. and i love it. 
• have not had an energy drink. not one single one. and it's a good thing or i'd be even more broke than i already am. 
• had a few nervous breakdowns, driven to the liquor store and then pulled my head outta my ass and didn't drink. don't judge me. ha
• went to Texas! 
• probably did more stuff, but you get the idea. 

Side note: After the last relationship that I was in, I decided that I would never date again. Up until recently it hasn't even crossed my mind or been an issue. At all. 

And then I met this awesome girl. 

Don't worry, it was over before it even started because I just don't date; I don't want to date. I don't know if I'll ever be "ready" to date anyone ever again, but right now I'm pretty sure that it would just be a shit show. Maybe I just like being a hermit. Or maybe I don't know how to date and be sober at the same time. Who knows? All I know is that I should get a medal or something for being the most awkward person on the planet. Go me! 

So, here's to another (insert any amount of time you want) of singledom! Bring it on. :]

People are amazing and cancer can kiss my ass!

On Wednesday I was invited to go to the CHS vs. Canyon View basketball game with April and the Harwood family. Bo Harwood has cancer and they were giving him an award at halftime. Bo is seriously amazing and I have been very impressed by his optimism during all of this. I was thinking they were going to give him like 500 dollars or something...but when they gave him 4000 dollars I started crying. That is the coolest thing ever! His medical expenses will be 10000x that, but seriously, he got diagnosed almost one month ago and they have already given him close to 5000 dollars total. People are really amazing and good. I was touched.

They also gave another lady 4000 dollars. Her story broke my heart. She was diagnosed with breast cancer while she was pregnant with her 2nd child. They started doing chemo and the baby was born. He's now happy and healthy; she found out she has brain and liver cancer to add to the list. They have given her 3-6 months to live. :( I couldn't help but just feel so sorry for her. I feel so sad for her little babies and her husband. I can't imagine...It almost made it even harder to see how happy she and her family were....like, wouldn't it be better if they hated each other and she was miserable right now? That kind of strength amazes me and I hope to have even a tiny bit of it someday...

After seeing two people who could (and by all rights should) be miserable, depressed, angry people who were actually two of the most optimistic and happy people I've ever seen, I was sincerely grateful for my health. I can't imagine going through chemo, losing my hair (vain, i know), being sick constantly, and knowing that I was on my death bed. I would, I think, be a miserable piece of shit if I were in that position.

Oh, and on top of all that, I just found out about this: Fight Like a Girl

It's a benefit concert for 4 young girls who live in Cedar City that have cancer. OMG, talk about heartbreaking. If you're in Cedar, you should come out and support this wonderful event. I love how generous people are and how much they are willing to do for others. Everyday I'm amazed at how good people genuinely are...

I love people. Cancer, not so much. 

Life is so good!

Holy smokes. Life is so good right now. I have so many things going for me; I'm very blessed and very grateful.

• I'm grateful that I have spent the week taking time for myself and that I was actually able to do so. Much needed. Back to reality. Kind of. ;) 
• I'm grateful for new friends. : ) Funny how life works...
• I'm grateful for Joey Bear and Enna. Best sibs ever. 
• I'm grateful for old friends. 
• I'm grateful for basketball. 
• I'm grateful that I get to hang out with my grandparents. This week I celebrated one of my grandpa's friends 94th birthday. Holy shit, that's old! It was such a fun party and I loved it! 
• I'm grateful for new beginnings and a fresh start! 
• I'm grateful for patience. Especially when it's other people who have it. ;)
• I'm grateful for my kitty. 
• I'm grateful to be alive and healthy. 

the week of pure basketball

I think I've died and gone to heaven. Seriously. 


Monday night I went to the SUU Women's basketball game. 
Tuesday I went to the Cedar High Girls basketball games. 
Today I'm going to the CHS vs. Canyon View game (and ditching group to do it...and I don't even feel bad about it)
Thursday there's an SUU game. 
Friday Cedar High Boys basketball games.
Saturday SUU Men's and Women's basketball. 


I'm busy this week, obviously. 

So, it's been a long while since I posted about this...

Recently I've seen many, many blogs about couples wanting to adopt and that makes me very, very happy. I think it's great when couples want/get to adopt because there are so many kids out there waiting to be adopted. Adoptuskids.org is kind of like petfinder.com, as in it displays children by pictures and if you like it, you can click on it to find out more about it. I get why they do it, but it's still a little bit sad that the kids appearances determines whether or not he or she gets adopted.

It goes both way, though. As I was searching on the LDS adoption page I came across the profiles of couples hoping to adopt and the birth moms get to choose a family based on their picture and a brief message about themselves. In the search criteria it has an option to view the "top ten profiles who have been waiting the longest to adopt". I clicked on it; they were, in general, older, slightly awkward, and not hip. I would post pictures, but that could possibly be considered rude. What 19 year old little girl is going to choose them to be the parents of her baby? Probably none. Sad? Yes. True? Yes.

So I don't really know where I'm going with this except to say, isn't it sad that our society is so based on outward appearances? What if those old-not-so-hip couples are really awesome and could offer a kid a life full of happiness and love? What if the really hip-model-everything-looks-perfect couples aren't as cool as they look? I mean, it could go both ways for either couple, really...

If it were me, I'd want to know about the couple and have them chosen before I ever saw any pictures. I wouldn't want to give my child to someone because I liked the way they dressed or because they had pretty smiles; it'd be too hard for me to be objective if I had pictures.

Maybe our society is based on appearances and maybe that works for some people. I don't agree with it, but that doesn't really matter.

Back to the point, if you're looking to adopt a kid...go to www.adoptuskids.org and do a search. There are thousands upon thousands of cute little kids who need homes. Do it....I dare ya!

happie, happie, hippie

I had a super weekend! I fit in two basketball games, dinner with the sibs, Sunday dinner with my family (I'm usually too busy sleeping to make it), watched Crazy, Stupid, Love, went running (again), snuggled with my kitty, and went to dinner with some friends. All in all, it was  fun-filled weekend, for sure.

Today I'm grateful for:

• water- especially Crystal Light flavored water. yumm
• Joey- love his guts

• 

  we took this pic before Sunday din on Joey's new iPad

• my parents
• my sibs
• running- i seriously forgot how much i love it once i start doing it. getting out the door is the hardest part. i feel so great after a good run. mmmmm.
• new music <3
• netflix- i caved and got it again. i like watching movies at work...so there!
• Calvie....he's such a sweet little guy. i bought him some dog bones to chew on and it's the cutest thing ever to watch him try. 
• new beginnings---everyday. 
• loveeeeeeee

grateful

Today I'm grateful for my family and friends.

I'm grateful for my kitty(ies). I would be so sad without Calvie.

I'm so grateful for a place to live and food to eat.

I'm very grateful that I have good health.

I'm grateful to have a job.

I'm grateful that I have a car to drive.

I'm grateful for the time I get to spend with my grandparents.

I'm grateful for Horizon House and all the staff.

I'm grateful for love.

I'm grateful for my sponsor and the inspirational texts I get every morning from her.

I'm grateful for music.

I'm grateful to live in Cedar. As much as I say I wanna leave (which I really do), I love living here, too. It's beautiful and I have lots of wonderful friends an family here.

I'm grateful that I'm not in school this semester. I think I'd be out-of-my-mind-crazy....or more than I am already, anyway. That'd be freaky.

I'm grateful that I have two basketball games to attend tomorrow.

I'm grateful for the wonderful, warm weather we've had lately!! Although, I did get a lecture from a 4th grader about how we're going to go into a water shortage and then our water bills will be super high....good thing I don't pay for water! Thanks landlords!

I'm grateful for a new day!

this week in review:

• basketball games! 
• clipped calv's nails (they still hurt, but not as badly)
• took care of a young child and played more nintendo in a matter of 2 days than in my entire life...or close to it! 
• got to see britt's cute apartment!! and her cute puppy! And her! it's been way too long!
• went to dinner with friends
• hung out with my bestie---while we co-parented. 
• cleaned out more litter boxes than i would have liked...
• snuggled with my baby calv <3
• did laundry every day. i thought i did laundry a lot with just me...add a kid to it and it's just insane! 
• got my jewelry organized....well, started anyway....
• cried a lot. 
• laughed a lot. 
• had a "parent" teacher conference with a principal....
• tucked a cute little guy into bed every night and kissed his stuffed animals goodnight. :) 
• read lots of fun books meant for 4th graders 
• went to the library
• got into a few bitch fights.....
• went to st. george (x2)
• got pulled over for not blinking for 3 seconds before i turned?? 
• hung out with WW2 vets @ lins....
• ate lots of frozen pizza and frozen yogurt. 
• bought new running shoes
• went RUNNING!!! (for the first time in....at least 2 years, i swear...) and wow....better keep doing that because it felt wonderful! 
• took a day off work, finally. 
• took calv on a "day" adventure to a new house.....he was fine but the other cat freaked. cat wars=not fun
• didn't have time to miss you; it was really nice...i'm gonna have to try that again next week. furreal. 
• saw my sister for the first time in ....a while. <3 
• pedicure 
• fell in love all over again with Ray Jones Jr.....ha ha

So glad this week is (almost) over! Crazy amounts of stress + very little sleep + hurting heart= Crazy Jill. Totally ready for whatever the next week has got in store! Bring it on!! 

we're alive!

• The kid, the cat, and I are still alive and kicking. It's been an intense week, for sure. Today we kinda took the day off from life and had a "fun" day- no school, just fun. I'm glad we did; I think it was much needed. 
• April is a lifesaver. Seriously though...Thanks Ape. You're a great co-parent. Sorry I'm a slacker of a mom! 
• "D" is so smart! I love hanging out with a 4th grader who is so interested in learning new things all the time. It makes me think about things in a new way...pretty cool. 
• I got to cuddle with my baby Calv this morning. I miss his little guts. Can't wait to snuggle with him tomorrow. 
• "D" played by himself so I could get some rest this morning after work. He's really a great kid. 
• I have a warm place to sleep, a cute cat (not Calv) to cuddle with, and food to eat. 

Life is crazy, wonderful, and full of surprises! 

to all the single parents out there...

Dear Single parents,

I have no idea how you do what you do. I mean, seriously, I can barely take care of myself while working full-time. As a single parent you (probably) work AND take care of your kid/children. I can't imagine working full-time and coming home and doing homework with my kid for hours on end. And then on top of that, you get to cook, clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping. I'm on a very small trial run of being a single parent this week and holy cow...I never realized how much work it is to take care of a kid; this is a pretty self-sufficient little guy, too. If it were a toddler, I'm sure it would add on loads of work. Plus, I have a "co-parent" who is helping watch my pretend child on the nights that I work. I'm not even kind of doing it by myself and it's still way more work than I'm used to doing!

I definitely have a new appreciation for single parents who get to do this all the time. You guys are tough cookies and deserve some sort of medal or award! Maybe someday I'll come up with something for that, but for now...keep it up! Any tips on how to get a kid to do homework and all that jazz would be greatly appreciated. ;)

Sincerely,
Me


P.S. I'm also looking for food options other than frozen pizza and frozen yogurt for every meal.....I'm a bad mom. Don't judge.

I hate that I'm awake right now. I wanna be in my bed.

I hate that the homeless shelter is lame and doesn't actually help homeless people.

I hate cancer.

I hate that people get hurt and sick.

I hate that people suffer due to other people and their lack of common sense or goodwill.

I hate that in order to have to best care you have to have money. And lots of it. Kid shouldn't suffer regardless of how much money their parents do or don't have. Period.

I hate that people die.

I hate that someday I'll die.

I hate that I don't want to sleep during the day because it's been so nice outside...so now I just don't sleep.

I hate politics. In every sense of the word.

With that, I'll be done. Farewell.

Saturday is my Wednesday...

Only two more days of work and then I get a day off...so pumped. This week was fine...actually, it was pretty great. I got enough sleep most days and I don't think I even cried once. Next week might be slightly crazy, but what would life be if it wasn't crazy sometimes?

• Today I'm going to sleep for 8 hours/cuddle with Calvin.
• Today I'm going to clean the litter box out, again. Seriously, I'm done cleaning that shit hole out...but I love Calv, so whateve. 
• Today I'm going to read White Teeth by Zadie Smith
• Today I'm going to make something for dinner. Something fancy. 
• Today I'm going to do laundry. 
• Today I'm going to drink a gallon of water. 
• Today I'm going to go visit my grandparents. 
• Today I'm going to make a sched of my next week so that I can stop stressing about it. 
• Today I'm going to have a pajama day...pretty much like every other day of my life. ha
• Today I'm going to listen to good music whilst I clean (maybe minus the cleaning part)...

I have the coolest sibs on earth, right? 

today

• Today I got to cuddle with Calvin all morning. 
• Today I didn't get quite as much sleep as I needed/wanted. 
• Today I went to the SUU gymnastics meet with Ape and Don. They lost. Not my cup of tea, but I'm glad we went. 
• Today I got pulled over for not using my blinker for the whole 3 second before I turned...is that even legit? No ticket, though. 
• Today is Friday the 13th--nothing spooky happened to me, ugh. 
• Today Trent, Britt, and Rach came and said hello to me at work.
• Today the CCPD are very bored MoFo's. Watch out. Seriously...
• Today Ali and Shandi came and chilled at the truck stop with me. 
• Today I listened to goooood music on pandora. 
• Today I got to hug Joey. 
• Today I got a really sweet text from someone that I really love. 
• Today I didn't get drunk. 
• Today was not too cold, not too hot...perfect weather outside. 
• Today a trucker called me "hottie" and a almost vomited on him. 
• Today I had good intentions to clean, but chose to cuddle with Calv instead. I'm pleased with my choice....the cleaning can wait but cuddling with Calv is way more important to me. He has pink eye or something and he's been really cuddly--I don't want to pass it up. 
• Today I ate a Whopper. Damn, it was good. 
• Today I only drank one Diet Coke....weird. 
• Today I shaved my legs, finally. 
• Today I'm happy. :)

I'm grateful:

-that i didn't get a ticket

-that i got to hang out with good friends

-for Calvin.

-for my family

-that i have a job

homework with a 4th grader...

Today I had the opportunity to hang out with a 4th grader. I was pumped to hang out; I picked him up from school, took him to Krave and got some yummy frozen yogurt and then headed home to do homework. I didn't know what I was getting myself into...after an hour and 30 math problems later, I discovered that 1. Math sucks 2. 4th graders are smarter than me 3. I need to go back to school. Seriously, good thing this kid was super smart because I definitely could not help him with his math.

My favorite part of today was when we were getting yogurt and he saw the yogurt cup (there is only one size) and said, "they make these big so you have to fill it up and pay more...". Yes, yes indeed. Although you don't have to fill it up all the way, what fun would it be to get a 1/2 empty cup of yogurt?

Today I'm grateful:

• for amazing people who are good examples to me.
• that i got to hang out at horizon house and help make some resumes. good times...
• that someone actually trusts me to babysit their kid. that's pretty cool. 
• that i got to hang out with D. he's a pretty bad A kid. 
• that i got to take a 4 hour nap before work. even though i think i'm more tired now than before, it was still nice. 
• for Calv. I think he has pink eye, poor guy. 
• for pinterest. what else would i do all night? seriously...
• that i got to go to lunch with a good friend today. 
• for my sponsor. holy moly, she's amazing. 
• for good books. i'm still a little sad that i finished Juliet, Naked because now i feel a little empty inside...finishing books kinda sucks.
• for Joey.
• that i get to hang out with my grandparents a lot. 
• to be sober....i probably wouldn't have any of the things listed above if i wasn't sober...

I'm so excited that it's almost Friday! I have a hot date to the SUU gymnastics meet and I foresee plenty of sleep in my near future, too. :]

Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby

I just finished this book and thought I'd write a short post about it so I don't forget that I read it. Not gonna lie, at first I had no idea what to expect and it was a bit difficult to get into (maybe because it was 1 of 4 books that I am reading). Once I got a little further into the book, however, I couldn't put it down. I guess I couldn't get enough of the boring, mundane lives that the characters were living...or maybe because I could related to their feelings. I was slightly disappointed with the ending, but it was to be expected given the circumstances of the book. I guess that's life, right? Full of disappoints due to the expectations we put on ourselves and others. I'm glad I only paid 3 dollars for this book, but I'd recommend it for a quick, fun read. If you want to borrow my copy, hit me up.

I'm trying to branch out this year in the types of books I am willing to give a chance. Normally I would have never even touched this book because it's fiction...but I was pleasantly surprised and can't wait to branch out some more! There won't be any sci-fi or fantasy, though...gag.

never more true than now....

Here's to a new chapter full of love and new beginnings!

gratitude

• i got to hang out with grandpa and grandma for no reason at all today. 
• i finished Juliet, Naked by Nick Hornby--I loved the book but the ending was a little lame. I still liked the book overall, though. 
• i got to cuddle with calv today while i was reading. i love that kitty.
• my house has stayed semi-clean from last wednesday when i cleaned the shit out of it...so tomorrows cleaning should go quickly! yay.
• i dyed my hair. black. i like it. 
• no stupid text messages from people that i've never met. thank goodness. 
• tomorrow i can sleep for 6 hours in a row, i think. that'll be nice. 
• my job...even when my boss is super intense. i'm grateful that i have a job. i'm grateful that i have a job....
• i'm grateful for April. she definitely listened to me bitch a lot tonight...thanks Ape. 
• for friends. :) 
• i got to see a friend from st. george get 1 year sober tonight at AA. cool! 
• i get to meet with my sponsor tomorrow before group.
• i had coffee with a good friend today. 
• i'm pretty content. 

 

howdy, ya'll

This blog needs a face lift and I realize this; I'm working on it. For now, lets just say I've been reading, learning, and doing lots of things I've never done before. Maybe someday I'll blog about those things....but right now I don't feel like blogging.

Today I'm grateful:

• that although i don't get to control how others act, i DO get to choose how i act and in turn, react. today someone that i have never met was texting me for someone that i do know. my first thought was to freak out and get angry...after a moment i was able to be calm and handle the situation like an adult. if i think about it too long, i go back to wanting to slap a hoe, but i won't do that. ha
• for good books! i forgot that i liked reading. weird, i know...but i'm back at it and it's made life 10 times more enjoyable lately. 
• that i got to spend time with old friends this weekend. 
• i got to go to like 5 basketball games last week! score! Ray Jones Jr. (my pretend husb. on SUU's team) can kiss my ass. geez, what a shit show on saturday. maybe next year, eh?
• that a trucker brought a portable space heater for us at the truck stop. the heater has been out all weekend and it's FREEZING in here. 
• for water. yummm
• for Joey Bear
• that i get to live life! and remember it.
• learning new things
• trying things i don't think i'll like and then love them
• good friend, old and new.
• my house 
• calvie and gretch

Hope ya'll had a good weekend!

love revolution is on, baby...

So, the past few weeks have had a lot of ups and downs and crazy everywhere. I wasn't doing anything to progress spiritually or otherwise. On Wednesday I was able to meet with the most amazing woman to get coffee and talk; I told her what I was struggling with and she gave me some feedback, made me feel loved, and sent me on my way. Normally I would have gone home and just thought, "well that was nice"...but I've been doing that for months now. This time I went home and got busy. I haven't felt this much alive in a very long time! I went home and cleaned the shit out of my house so that I could focus on more important things that I needed to start doing.

I started reading 3 new books:

• The Love Revolution
• The Four Agreements
• Juliette, Naked by Nick Hornby

I have been starting to actually want to be more spiritual. In doing so, I've decided that I want to learn how to meditate. Thus far, it's definitely something that I need to work on; I've also learned that even by trying to meditate for a short amount of time it helps my entire day go more smoothly and allows me to be in the moment instead of worrying about things that haven't happened yet. 

Today, the 3rd day of my "being in the moment" quest, I received some wonderful news that I had been stressing about for months! I am so grateful that things are starting to pick up again and fall into place. 

I'm grateful:

• that Cedar City has a pretty amazing bookstore! I never thought of going to Braun Books before someone suggested that I read a book they have-- I went there today and fell in love! I'll definitely be hanging out there more often!
• that I get to go to two basketball games tomorrow before work! 
• for love. 
• having meaningful conversations--i've been talking to everyone i know about meditation and i love hearing how other people do it or don't do it. 
• that i have time to read. i forgot how much i enjoy doing it. 
• to have a job!
• for a warm house, food to eat, and that i can shower everyday. 
• that I got to take grandpa and grandma out today and hang out. no hospitals, just hanging out. 
• that i get to sleep in about 6 hours! 
• for Calvin and Gretch. Cute little suckers!
• for good friends and family. 

I hope ya'll have a wonderful weekend! 

"If you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland."

This is a quote from a poem that I love; I've been thinking about it a lot lately and it rings true no matter what. I often find myself thinking "what if?" or "why this?" and then I remember this poem. This year I want to enjoy where I am instead of wishing I was anywhere else...because, very often, I do wish I could be anywhere but where I am, no matter where I am. 

Of course there are things that I will still continue to hope, wish and pray for....but I need to be here, right now, doing what I'm doing; it'd be nice to enjoy the hell out of it. 


Today I'm grateful:

• for the chance to make things right. it's getting easier to make amends right after i do something stupid rather than dragging it out for weeks. maybe someday i'll get to a point that i won't need to make so many amends...but for now, i'm grateful for where i am...
• to know that I am worthwhile.
• SUU basketball game...even though they sucked it up and lost at the end..
• change. sometimes i hate it at the time, but usually look back and think, "wow, this shit is pretty okay."
• my job. a lot of people are losing hours and not working as much as they'd like to work....mine have stayed steady and full-time. i'm very grateful for that.
• A.A. and all the wonderful people that I get to associate with because of it.
• Calvin and Gretch. I love going home to those cute cats. 
• Joey :) 
• My dad
• my grandparents, even when they stress me out. 
• my sponsor--i finally asked someone to be my sponsor who i want to actually work with. she is such an amazing lady and i'm very blessed that she is willing to work with me. i wish you could all meet her; you'd love her, too. 
• looking back at the past and learning from it. 
• toenail polish. 
• ramen...even though i'm about done eating it forever. breakfast, lunch, and dinner = ramen. gag. ha, oh well...it's keeping me alive!
• friends. good friends. 
• family. all of them.

I'm getting old....sick.

I've been dreading 2012 for a while now because I will turn 27 this year. 27?! Holy shit. When did I get old?? That is disgusting and I'm not okay with this.

Things I have to look forward to with age:

• moles. skin spots. all sorts of weird things that resemble moles. sick man. 
• gray hair. um, no thanks. 
• retirement money=pay for medical care. what kind of retirement is that? shit...no thanks.
• have to buy my own toilet paper. why is it so expensive?! 
• buying food is stupid and i don't like it. 
• paying rent blows.

I wanna be 5 again! 

life is good and so is diet coke

Today I'm grateful:

• that I got plenty of rest before coming to work tonight. bonus in my world.
• for learning how to be true to myself and my values. 
• that I got to spend time with some friends tonight before work.
• that I can remember what I did last night. Maybe it wasn't the most exciting night of my life, but I had fun and I didn't feel like death today. 
• for my little Calvin. I just love him.
• Joey D.--best brother ever. 
• that the NBA is back. 
• to so many different people for so many different reasons. i think everything happens for a reason. 
• to know that I am loved. 
• for diet coke. yum. 
• scrabble/words with friends- fantastic. 
• love
• for lessons learned...even if they suck in the process. 
• my friends blogs. i love reading them. 
• the heater seems to be working tonight. great. 
• no snow for days now! 
• a warm house, food to eat, and lots of good people. 

Hope your second day of 2012 is amazing! Mine is gonna be awesome!! I have the day off (once I leave work in a few hours) and I plan to do lots of fun stuff. :)

Ringin' in the New Year with style...

It's 5:10am on January 1, 2012. I'm at work and the heater is broken. It's about 50 degrees in here but feels more like -20 degrees. I guess this is life, eh?

My New Years Eve was pleasant; I had a lot of fun, saw a lot of friends, and relaxed...what more could a girl ask for, really? I started out the day visiting grandpa in the hospital. I made sure he was drinking his water, talked about basketball, and of course, gave him a mohawk. I tried taking a picture--maybe someday soon. After a quick visit, I went home and crawled in my nice, warm, cozy bed with Calvin until about 4pm.

I got ready and went to dinner with a friend. I had fish and chips....it was my way of pretending that I was in a pub for New Years Eve. It worked and they were delicious. Yummmm! After dinner we went over to the AA meeting; we got there right at the end of the meeting but then the dance was starting. Gag. I stayed for like ten minutes and then booked it outta there. I wasn't a good dancer drunk and I'm even worse sober...if that's even possible.

I decided that I was going to craft at work tonight, so I hit up Wal-Mart for a few supplies. Then since I had a couple of minutes to burn before work, I decided to cruise and jam to my music. Just my luck, I got pulled over. Luckily, it was by the sheriffs who come to my work every night and they just laughed; we talked for a minute and I got to continue on my way. So glad I wasn't drinking....Bonus.

I rang in the new year at the truck stop, by myself and I wasn't even sad about it. I mean, maybe a little bummed that I don't have anyone to kiss at midnight...but other than that, life is good. I've been crafting up a storm and I'm so stoked for the end product. It'll be a few days, but I'll post pics of what I've been crafting soon.

Oh, and hopefully I'll have my Etsy back up soon, too. I wanted to make some changed for the new year, but sadly, I haven't started them yet...so no shop for now!

Today I'm grateful for:

• good conversations 
• reconciliation 
• true love
• new beginnings 
• my job--i'm lucky to have work. mostly i'm lucky that i get to craft all night at work usually. 
• youtube for teaching me new things whenever i wanna learn something. 
• good friends
• honesty
• all the wonderful people who have touched me in some way in the last year. there's a bunch. and i'm grateful for all of you. 
• being happy with where i am in life, for the most part.
• feeling content.
• my sobriety.
• family.
• getting pulled over and being sober for it. 
• my jacket and shoes. this place is freeeeeezing tonight! my hands and nose are purple. probably my toes, too. 
• today. 
• y.o.u. 
• hope. 
• Joe Bear