Hell

Today I read this quote somewhere that was like "hell will be when we die and meet the person we could have been" or something like that. For some reason, it really struck me. I mean, right now, for the first time in a long time I sorta like myself. I'm trying to do things that make a difference, I'm doing things that make me happy, and I'm trying to better my life. BUT, there are still things that I could be doing more of in order to be who I want to be...

I really like that I get to choose who I become. I think that's probably the coolest thing about life- we get to decide. Sure, I didn't get to decide who my parents are, where I was born, or that I'd be an alcoholic...but I get to decide where I'm going, what I'm doing, and who I want to spend my time with now. That's pretty awesome.

Last summer I was just getting out of rehab and I was  scared as hell. I had no money, no friends, and no house. It was definitely a summer of learning and growing. Looking back I'm grateful that shit happened the way it did, but I don't know that I would ever want to do it again. It was hard and, at times, unpleasant. I was dealing with the loss of an important relationship, moving back to Cedar City, and moving out on my own for the first time in my life. I think I cried every single day. At least once.

Well, shit got better... This summer has been one of the greatest times of my life up to this point...at least that I can remember (I'm sure I had some amazing childhood summers, too). I have many relationships that are important to me, I don't mind living in Cedar City, and I have a cute little house that I get to live in by myself. I have done so many fun things this summer that I have wanted to do for a long time, I'm (finally) over the relationship that I thought I'd never get over, and I'm learning to live life as it comes instead of planning every little detail. Life is enjoyable and I'm super glad that I get to do so many cool things.

I can only hope that in a year from now I'll be writing about how I never knew life could get even better! But, for now, I'll just keep enjoying the cool shit happening right now.