Blah blah blah

I can't stop sleeping. All I do is work and sleep. From the moment I get off work until I have to go back to work,  I sleep. For the first few days I thought it was calm down but as it's getting into almost a week of doing this now it's getting annoying. I'm annoyed that I want to do is sleep. I could be out having fun and enjoying life, but I'd rather be in my bed. I did get a lot done this week for school though, so at least I did something.

Next Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I'm going to my cabin. I haven't been up there for a year and I'm pretty excited. I'm hoping that it's a fun and relaxing trip but ...lets be real, I'm sure it'll be a little chaotic with all the people who are going. I might just find a bed and sleep the whole time. ha. Either way, I'm excited to get 3 days off work in a row!

I'm mostly counting down the days to August! I will find out about school/financial aid, my friend is coming to visit, and hopefully I can throw in a couple fun things before school starts (if I am able to even go to school). I've been really anxious and worried about school. I know that I need to go and I want to go back so much but I also know that without financial aid, I cannot afford to go. I know that worrying about it won't change anything but I am literally making myself sick thinking about it. I keep wondering if I should have written a different letter or included more or less information than I did, if I should have done it earlier, if I'm smart enough and blah blah...I felt good about it after I talked to my advisor and then I turned it in and felt like it was pointless. For now I guess I just need to focus on other shit. There's nothing I can do now...

If I can get into SUU that would be ideal. If not, I'm going to start applying for jobs elsewhere. I need a change of scenery and maybe then I could get a job that I enjoy and that has potential. Don't get me wrong, I'm super grateful to have the job I have right now and for the most part I enjoy it...I just don't want to be a lifer working at the truck stop. And if I can't get financial aid there's no way I would ever be able to save enough money to go to school while working here...so I'm kind of at a dead end. I want to enjoy life and keep moving forward. The past year has been awesome and much needed. I feel grounded and for the first time in my life I'm doing shit to help myself. I'm a little scared to leave Cedar because I have a great support system of friends and family here, but I also know that I can't stay where I am forever.

I was reading something yesterday and it was something like, God has 3 answers: 1. Yes 2. Not yet 3. I have something much better....or something like that. Although I don't choose to call my higher power God, I agree that things happen for a reason and I just get to trust in that right now. I've done what I can do and now I get to just live life and enjoy whatever happens. I'm usually so dead set on a "plan" that I get expectations of how it will turn out and then get mad when it doesn't happen, because it never does happen how I think it should.

So as for school/life/jobs, right now I'm just going to be right here. Right now I'm happy and I have everything I need and most of what I want, too! Life is good!

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