Single Cat Lady

Lately I've been asked why I'm not dating anyone. Here's why:

1. I wanted to take some time (a year or so) to get my shit together. A year ago I was living in rehab, had 5 pairs of basketball shorts and a couple of t-shirts (lost all my other shit), and had been sober for a month...not exactly dating material. ha. It's been a little over a year since I got out of a relationship and got sober. That may seem like a long time to you, but for me it seems like yesterday. I am still figuring my shit out and I don't want to drag anyone else through it.

2. I live in Utah. I'm gay. There are like 3 lesbians in Cedar. The dating pool isn't very large and I'm not going to date someone just to date someone. Stupid.

3. I love my cat too much. Seriously. I would rather hang out with Calv than try to find a girlfriend in Cedar City. He watches chick flicks with me, doesn't fight with me, cuddles with me, and he isn't very messy.

4. Of the 3 lesbians in Cedar, none of them are sober. I can't date someone who isn't sober....obviously. And I'm not just talking they have a beer every now and then...they drink like I do. And that's scary shit. ha ha

5. I like living alone. I like doing my own thing. I like having time to spend with my family and friends. Sure, it'd be cool to have someone to bring along....but I'd rather go alone than with someone I don't really like. Duh.

6. I am okay with being gay. Sure, it's uncomfortable at times because of the community I live in and because I don't want to offend my family. I don't want to date someone who isn't okay with who they are or who wants to hide the fact that we're in a relationship. I've been running from myself my entire life and I'm finally okay with it (mostly) and I'd rather be alone than pretend I'm not dating someone.

7. Dating is expensive. I'm poor. I don't want to waste my money to impress someone enough to date me. No thanks. I'd rather buy cat treats for Calv. ;) And go on fun vacations with my bestie.

8. Everyone I know that gets in a relationship (myself included) drops off the face of the planet. I don't want to drop off the planet. I like what I'm doing right now and I'm content. I would be really sad if I couldn't do the things I'm doing right now. Sure, I could be a "normal" human and have a healthy relationship where I could keep doing all the things I love to do...but lets face it, that's probably not going to happen right now.

9. I have little to no drama. And mostly no drama. Dating girls (or boys) = drama. I like just being mellow. It's been a nice change.

10. I still miss Jordan. I don't miss all the drama. I don't miss the fights. I don't miss dropping off the planet and literally having no friends and never talking to my family. I don't miss all the stupid shit...but I do miss her and I don't think it'd be fair to get in a relationship if I still have feelings for Jordan. Yes, I'm in touch with reality and I know that I will never be with Jordan again; that doesn't change how I feel.

I know that no matter what happens, whether I am single or in a relationship, I will be okay. And right now, I'm happy. I couldn't ask for anything else. I have a wonderful family, amazing friends, and my life is full of awesomeness. I would not trade my life for anything. Hell yeah, it'd be awesome to have someone to share my life with and to love....but it would be much worse to be with someone I don't really love just so I'm not lonely. I've done that and it was not awesome. So, until I am in a place where I could have a healthy relationship, I will remain a single cat lady.

No comments:

Post a Comment