just a little love note

Okay, lets get this straight..

Have any of you noticed that your straight friends try to hook you up with any other gay person they come in contact with? Well, I have a solution. Send them this letter. Good luck!

Dear ________ (insert any straight friend you have here),

Thank you for caring about me and wanting me to be happy. You're the bomb. For real. There are just a few things I'd like you to know:

• Just because I'm single doesn't mean that I'm miserable. I'm not. 
• I'm glad you have another gay friend...good for you. I do not want you to hook me up with every gay person you come in contact with. 
• I don't want to hear about your sex life. I won't tell if you don't. And even if you do, I won't. 
• I'm just me. You don't need to introduce me as "your gay friend". I'm just a human.
• I do not have a crush on you. Trust me. You're my friend.
• I do not think every girl I see is hot. 
• I don't want to hook up with your gay cousin while they're in town. (well maybe sometimes)
• No. I will not kiss you  because you're "curious". 

Thanks again for trying to be helpful; you're a peach. Now, run along, and go find a boyfriend while I listen to music and drink coffee, alone. 

Love always,

"your gay friend" __________ (insert your name)

P.S. I have a friend I want you to meet! He's so great and he's straight. Perfect!