No Sleep

School has been in for 2 weeks already! I feel unbelievably tired and so unorganized that it makes me want to give up. At least once a day I feel like I just can't do it---and then I remember how much I want this and how many people have helped me get here. The school part isn't the part that's killing me, either. School is actually going really well....and yes, I know that school in the 2nd week isn't very difficult, so I'm sure that'll get more intense. But for now, it's golden.

The part that's killing me is trying to keep up with everything else. Like work, for instance. Work and I have a love/hate relationship. For the past year I have worked my ass off in order to get my own apartment, everything in the apartment, pay off bills, pay current bills and do tons of fun shit. And I didn't mind working all the time because I didn't really have much else going on. Now that I'm in school full-time and trying to work full-time, most days I'd rather die than go to work. It's not that I hate my job, I just hate not sleeping.

On Wednesday morning when I got home from work at 7:30am, after not sleeping since Monday night, I was on the verge of a breakdown. I chose to miss my 9am class to sleep until noon. My goal was to not miss one class the whole semester---but I just couldn't do it. I figured it'd be better to miss one class than to drop out of school because I was in the psych ward or something. ha

So now I'm left to figure out how to make this work. Part of this is self-inflicted and part of it is unavoidable-- so for the part that I can actually change, it's gonna take some work. For the other part (the one I really don't have control over- aka working), I need a sugar daddy.

On the days where I got sleep the day before I feel great--and even on the other days, I feel very lucky to be able to have a job and be in school. I know a lot of people who would like to be able to go to school and I have been wanting/working for this for a year now...and now that it's here, I realized it's a lot of work. Sometimes I just need to remind myself why I'm going to school and how good it'll be when I finish at SUU. It's been 8+ years in the making and I'm very glad for a chance to finally finish.

In the midst of all this, I'm looking at grad schools, finding out what I need to do to be accepted into said programs, and deciding whether or not to take the GRE. The thought of going to grad school scares me and also excites me! There are some really awesome programs that I'm looking at and if all goes well, I'll start applying next semester/summer.

Today's outlook for sleep: zero. Once I get off work at 7:30am, I head to school until 2pm and then tonight is the benefit concert I've been planning for a month. But then I get to relax with one of my favorite people all day on Saturday.

Life is good-- I just need more sleep. Maybe when I die, right?

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