Work all night. Take grandpa to one doctor. Rush grandpa to the next doctor. Pick up prescriptions for grandpa. Go to an AA meeting. Call Joey. Dump food in a bowl for the cats. Shower. Pick up roomie from work. Go to HHW for a group. Go to another AA meeting. Do mentor stuff. Back to work.

Sometimes my life seems like a giant checklist that I just need to cross off. I get overwhelmed, bitchy, and pretty miserable to be around.

For exmaple:

On Thursday night for the mentor program I went to Horizon House to decorate some Christmas trees for the Sub4Santa project that we're doing. It was a little chaotic and I just didn't want to be there. I was bitchy and just wanted to get it done so I could go home. I stayed for a couple of hours but didn't really do much except complain. But I crossed it off my list and moved on.

Tonight at the AA meeting one of the women shared about how she was so excited to decorate the trees because she was thinking about how happy it was going to make a family. She was one of the few who, despite the unorganized mess, kept working and re-doing the lights on the trees.  Wowzer... I really needed to hear that. Lately it seems like I'm just doing things to check them off my list. I don't really think about what I'm doing, I just do what I need to do and get to the next thing. How miserable is that? I want to be able to enjoy life and not just get through it.

This week I'm going to try to stay in the moment, look at things from a different perspective, and enjoy the hell out of it. I really needed this little wake up call.

I don't want my life to be a big checklist. Gross.

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