You know, life is funny. I thought that being sober would make my life "easy" or at least easier. Seems like lately shit is kind of hitting the fan and there's not anything I can do except keep being sober. This morning I woke up early and went to the hospital to visit my grandpa; while I was there my grandma came to visit and got admitted to the hospital, too. How convenient, right? I stayed and visited for a bit, but after a while it just gets too depressing in there for me.
Luckily, I went to the noon AA meeting or I think my day would have ended a lot differently. It was good to get out of my head and be with other people in recovery who are doing this shit, too. After the meeting, I went and watched a couple of CHS basketball games since Joey is the team manager. I accidentally sat on the visitors side during the first game and since my stress level was already soaring, I almost punched a stupid guy in the face over a basketball game. haha....Luckily, that didn't happen AND Cedar won by like 40 points.
My day was starting to look up and then I got some more bad news. Ugh. I pretty much freaked out and wanted to quit life; luckily, I was able to reason enough to call someone who could help me. I'm so grateful that even when I'm in a really shitty place, I know I can always call someone for help. I got to go in a sweet van ride and talk to someone who really helped put things into perspective. When I left, I almost felt silly for being so dramatic about what is going on. I mean, sure, it sucks...but my life is still pretty damn good.
Today I'm grateful for:
- Hope. And people who remind me that there is hope, even when I can't see it.
- Joey. It was great to spend some time with him today. I love basketball and Joey, so it was pretty awesome.
- Calvin. I freaking love that cat.
- My grandparents. I love how in love they are still, even after like 60+ years of marriage.
- Good friends.
- Horizon House- pretty sure I owe them my life, for real. Especially on days like today. I'm grateful for all the staff and counselors that dedicate so much time to help people like me.
- Fun things coming up. Planning a trip to San Fran with April! Should be fun!!
- I have a house, a bed, heat, food, and a car to drive today. That's pretty amazing considering I had absolutely nothing not too long ago.
- The sleep I got before coming to work. I was exhausted and it felt so good to get a little nap.
- The opportunities I have now that I'm sober. Life, even with all the crazy stuff going on, is really great today.
- 2nd, 3rd, 4th, 5th, and 10th chances. I'm grateful I don't have to be perfect...even though I still want to be...
- All the things I've learned over the last year.
- My family.
- The beautiful weather we've been having in So Utah! Amazing!