woah, hold your horses...addicted to you?

I just received an e-mail with the subject line: "how to get him 'addicted' to you".

Did I read it? No. Can I imagine what it said? Yes.

1. Have boobs, get fake ones, or stuff your bra. 

 2.  Flirt. A lot. Be as cheesy as human possible.

3. Cook. Men (people) love food. Dessert is where you can really score bonus points.

4. Clean. The. Shit. Outta. Everything. All. The. Time.

5. Never look like you're been cleaning, cooking, or anything else that would be seen as "dirty". Always, always, always look like a super-model. Sweats are a no-no.

6. Be yourself. (hahahhahahhahaha)
And by that, I mean don't be yourself at all. Be fake. Always put on a smile, even if you want to cry. Never, ever leave the house without a 6inch coat of makeup on. Laugh at him even when he's so not funny.

 
7. Get a new dude who doesn't need to be "obsessed" or addicted with you in order to love you. Honestly, wouldn't it be a little creepy if you wanted him to be obsessed with you in the first place??

Oh, and did I mention that if you have boobs he'll love you no matter what??! Get fake ones if you don't have them already. It's the hottest new thing to do.