what is love?

In my Motivation and Emotion class a few weeks ago, we discussed what "love" (in a romantic context) means and how to get it. I think everyone knows what love feels like, but when asked to describe it, things can get crazy. Try it!

People were throwing out things like: you take care of them when they are sick, you like having sex (or physical intimacy), you have things in common, you feel good with them, etc.

Anyway, as we were talking about it and sharing what we think it means, someone raised their hand and said "companionship". The professor literally jumped out of her chair and thanked him for sharing what she was looking for- she had been waiting a good ten minutes before someone said that word: companionship. She went on to say that, yes, it was a type of love. She then pulled up this picture:

She asked us each to think about which type of love we have had/have in our own relationships and also to think about what our friends and family have (from our perspective). A lot of people said that their parents seem to have "empty love" (commitment) but perhaps lack the passion and intimacy.

As I was sitting in class I felt like a ton of bricks hit me. I didn't want empty love or even companionate love but I also don't want just infatuation or liking. I want the whole deal. Every single part of it.

I can't think of anything more depressing than to be with someone because it's comfortable or because I feel obligated. Yes, I know it happens and that's just part of life sometimes (at least I would assume so). And I'm not saying that people who only have part of the triangle should go get divorced or leave their families, but for me, I could never willingly and knowingly continue in a relationship where I wasn't able to give/get all three of these things.

When I see couples out together but never even look up from their meal, I feel sad for them. Who wants to eat alone when you're sitting across from someone? Maybe I'm just being idealistic and hoping for something that may never happen, but I would rather be alone than in a relationship like that. But I'd also rather be alone than in a relationship that was purely about sex....so maybe I can't win.

I have had all of it and when you have it, you know it. So as for now, my single ass will be holding out until I get it. And by it, I mean all of it.