Sometimes I want to punch people in the face.

Seriously, though. I am usually a pretty nice person and I don't usually want to punch anyone...especially not in the face. But there are instances in which I want nothing more than to do so...here are a few:

• People in class who ask the same questions over and over. Seriously, you don't look smarter for the professor when you do that...you look stupid. And you're annoying. Stop it. 
• People who cheat on their significant other. I don't care why or how- I just want to punch you. And, in all reality, I have indeed punched one or two peeps for my friends... and I'm not afraid to do it again. It might be a slightly more awkward doing so sober, but I will. Trust me.
• The week before finals week. Because if I could punch this week, I would. 
• My head cold. I don't actually want to punch myself in the head...but if it would get rid of whatever nasty cold I have, I would. 

I feel a little better. 

Monday's come so soon.

Monday already? Wowza. I had a nice Thanksgiving break- minus feeling like I was gonna die for half of it due to a stupid head cold. Thank goodness Taunya was so sweet and came in super early for me on Sunday morning so I could go sleep.

Other than that, I have just been rearranging my schedule for school a million times. I think I have it how I want it- and then I change it again. I think it's getting close to how it'll be next semester and I'm excited. As of right now, I will be taking:

• Sociology of Drugs
• Global Issues in Sociology 
• Quantitative Reasoning (Math) 
• Organizational Communication 
• Family Processes and Theory
• Community Proposal

I'm pretty excited for all most of my classes. I can't say I'm thrilled to take math or the 2nd class of University 1000. But whatever. That's life. 

I mostly picked my classes based upon the time of the class. I will be done with school Monday-Friday by noon everyday. I am more than excited to try and have a "normal" sleep schedule that will not include a 3 hour nap, class, 2 hour nap, another class, etc. I am hoping that I will be able to work 11pm-7:30am, go to class from 8am-noon, and then sleep from about noon-7 or 8pm each night. That way I'll still have a semblance of a social life from 8-11pm. ha ha

Thanksgiving

I really love Thanksgiving. Last year I got to spend my Thanksgiving at the community Thanksgiving dinner- it was just what I needed and I'm so grateful for it.


This year I decided that I would help out with the community dinner but that I wanted to have some friends over to my house for a little dinner, too. I woke up early and started cooking the turkey. I never knew how disgusting pulling guts out of the turkey can be- and then I had a little hissing match with Calv because he wanted to eat the whole thing raw. I compromised and boiled the neck for him. He loved it.

I only stayed at the community dinner for a little while and then went home to finish cooking. Sof is here and has been sick- so she was in bed most of the day. Marin came over early to help me finish cooking and then Brittni and Adam joined us (with lots of delicious food they baked).

I am so grateful that even though I wasn't able (logistically) to spend Thanksgiving with my family, I have such wonderful friends that I was able to enjoy the holiday with and test out my turkey baking skills. Turns out, doesn't take much...or I lucked out...or perhaps I'm the only one who didn't hate it. ha. Either way, it was a really wonderful day.

Plus, I got to have pre-game lunch with the bestie.

Today I'm grateful for friends who have become family. I'm also grateful for my real fam. This morning my dad helped me get stuff ready to take to the community dinner.

Things work out.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I always worry, stress out and freak out because I don't think things will work out. And so far, they always have. Somewhere deep in my pea-sized brain, even during a freak out, I know that everything will work out and yet I still make myself sick over everything.
Some of it is a good thing, though. For example: my social theory paper that I was stressing about writing only took me an hour to write. Usually they take me at least 4 hours to research, read all the shit and then write-- so the hour was a breeze. I have no idea if I even wrote about what was being talked about, but I feel better that it's done.
Now I'm on to stressing about job interviews, more homework, a group project, math, no sleep, Thanksgiving dinner, etc.

I just need to keep reminding myself that if I put in the work, everything will work out. It might not be how I want it or how I think it should be...but it does work out.

Since I've been crabby lately, I'm going to make a happy list:

• I get to see Sof this week!
• We are having Thanksgiving dinner with Britt face and Adam 
• I get a break from school- the actual school part, not the homework. I'll take what I can get.
• SUU Basketball on Wednesday with my homies (Joey and Enna)
• My bills are paid. For now. I love feeling a little bit caught up. 
• Calv has been so cuddly and cute lately. I love him so much. 
• Today (Monday) is going to be a long day but I always feel so good after it's all over. 
• I'm super happy that I will have time to clean my house on Wednesday. It needs it. And I always feel 100 times better about life when the house is clean. 
• I will (hopefully) get to see my family this week at some point. All of my moms fam will be here. We'll see how that goes...

Anyway, I really do feel much better about life right now than I did last night. Today is gonna be a long ass day but then I get to sleep tonight and somehow that makes things better. I hope everyone has a very happy Thanksgiving!

This weekend has been the weekend of death. I want to drop out of school, run away, and sleep forever. Seriously. F*#* math. I hate it so much and it obviously hates me, too. And social theory can kiss my ass.

The only class I feel good about right now is Social Psych and it's not even that good. I don't know how I ever passed a class drunk if I can't even pass the damn thing sober. Blah.


Anyway, it's almost Thanksgiving. yay

So tired.

Lately I just feel like I can't sleep enough. Luckily, I work tonight and have school tomorrow and then I don't have to work on Friday night. I plan to use my time sleeping and cuddling with Calv. I'm just so tired. All the time. No matter how much sleep I get.

On other news, there isn't any. School and work are just kicking my ass- that's it.

I AM excited for Thanksgiving though! :)

And here we go again.

I just wanna stay in bed all day.

On second thought...

After re-reading my last blog post, I realize I sound like an ungrateful bitch....which, perhaps I am.

I guess mostly what I am learning is that life happens. People get sick, sleep doesn't have an on and an off switch, cats shit in a box and can't clean it out themselves, dishes don't do themselves, homework can be tedious and quite time consuming, and people are self-centered.

I am self-centered. The world definitely revolved around me and if it doesn't, I get upset. Isn't that like 2-year-old mentality? I think so. And yet, I still find myself getting upset over petty things that don't go my way.

I am usually too tired to hang out with friends, I never make it to family dinner at my parents house, my house is rarely spotless (if ever), I am horrible at math, I never call my sponsor or do step work, I haven't been to AA in weeks and I suck at math. And yet, I still have all these wonderful people who care about and love me.

This week, I'm going to try to "go with the flow" and just enjoy the moment. I get so caught up in trying to make everything go how I want it to go and then it never does...and even if what actually happened turns out to be great, I'm too busy being upset that it wasn't how I planned it.

Someone wise (who I won't name) would tell me to make a gratitude list, so I will:

• I'm grateful that I have litter boxes. My house would be even more of a nightmare without them...plus, that means I have kitties. 
• I'm grateful I got to sleep yesterday...even if it wasn't at my planned time or amount. 
• I'm grateful that I get to go watch basketball later today with my bestie and my GF. 
• I'm grateful that even though it's cold as %#%# outside right now, it's warm inside the truck stop. 
• I'm grateful that Sof is here for a few days- even if I am a bitch. ha 
• I'm grateful for schoolwork- I can't remember what I did all night at work before I was in school. Man, it sure makes the nights fly by. 
• I'm grateful for my school schedule next semester! I'm taking classes that I think I'll really enjoy- except math. 
• I'm grateful for technology. Even though I think it's a little overboard sometimes- I'm glad I can text my sis and Sof  (who don't live here) anytime. That's neat.

Okay, I'm still not feelin' it but maybe tomorrow will be better. Meow

expectations

As I was getting off work at 7:30am this morning, I was pumped for the day. Today was going to be perfect.

I ran to the store to pick up some groceries before I had school at 9am. Class went well and I enjoyed the discussion. I suppose this only added to my delusional thinking that it would be a good idea to plan my day. I know from a million past experiences that when I plan things, I also set expectations...and when I have expectations, shit goes crazy. And then I do.

Anyway, as I walked into my cat infested, messy as shit house, I soon realized that today might not be exactly how I planned it-- but figured it could be close. I got into my pajamas, tried to sleep for a minute and couldn't fall asleep, so I decided I'd make lunch before my 1pm class instead of after. My GF is here visiting and I thought it'd be fun to actually be able to sit and enjoy lunch together. I woke her up and told her I was making lunch- she said she wasn't hungry and that she didn't feel well.

Damn. I had already started cooking bacon and slicing vegetables, so I decided to continue anyway. I ate lunch alone and tried to take a quick nap before school. When my alarm went off at 12:40 I didn't want to move. Sof convinced me to get up and go- and that was probably the best part of my day. I hate it when I miss school because I'm tired.

After math I came home expecting that my cats magically cleaned their litter boxes and that my house wouldn't smell like shit. That didn't happen, but the dishes were done (thanks Sof).

I planned to sleep after math for a few hours and then wake up and spend time with Sof. Turns out, I slept until I had to get ready for work.

So, instead of a lunch-date and fun-filled evening, I ate alone and slept all day. And now I'm back at work (planning tomorrow).

The funny thing is, I really have been planning tomorrow. You know, when I will sleep and for how long (yeah right....that shit never happens how I plan it), who I'm going to spend time with and at what time, when I will shower, etc. I'm not sure why I repeatedly do this or if it's just a necessary evil: plan things even though you know it won't go the way you want it to go, because if you don't plan at all nothing will get done? I'm not sure.

All I know is that tomorrow can kiss my ass. I'm sleeping all day.

Even though...

Even though I didn't want to come to work tonight, I'm grateful for a job.
Even though pb&j isn't the most glamorous meal in the world, I'm grateful I have food to eat.
Even though my house is tiny and only has outlets in weird places, I'm so grateful it's mine.
Even though my cats pee on everything and make my house a disaster, I'm grateful for them.
Even though I don't get to hang out with my friends as much as I'd like to, I'm grateful that they are always here for me and that they are my friends.
Even though school is kicking my ass, I'm so grateful to be learning and (hopefully) almost done with my Bachelors degree.
Even though I hate math, I'm grateful that my math professor is so rad and that I'm actually learning it this time around.
Even though social theory isn't my cup of tea, I'm grateful that I am going to pass it this semester and I'll never have to take it again. Ever.
Even though psychology isn't my major, I'm grateful that I get to take lots of psych classes (mostly because there is a serious lack of sociology classes offered at SUU).

Even though I have no idea why I'm writing this, I am.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Election Day: Over

Finally, the elections are over and the Facebook nonsense can end. I mean, I'm sure it'll only get worse (the Facebook shit) before it gets better...but at least we're on the upward spiral now. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great and wonderful that we live in such a diverse country and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And even though I do not support Romney (for very obvious reasons), I can understand why some people do support him. And I can even respect some people who voted for Mitt. The thing I can't understand are the women who voted for Mitt--and especially the women who USE government assistance. I mean, really? Come on, people. Get real. Also, what's with gay folk who support someone who so openly discriminates against them? I will never understand. Ever.


But that's okay, because now I don't have to worry. Obama it is!

Now that that's over I feel much better. Peace out, homies.

Today I'm grateful for my baby sis. Even though we don't live in the same city or talk every day, I know I can always count on her. She's been one of my best friends throughout my life- even through the fighting and biting, and I'm so grateful that she's my sister. 

I could go on for days about all the things that Anne has done for me. 

Thanks for being the best sister in the world, honey. Meowwww. 

day 4: grateful

Today I'm grateful for my girlfriend, Sof. She is seriously one of the best people I know and I feel so lucky to have her in my life. Although I don't get to see her as often as I'd like, and I'm usually emo/tired when I do see her, I'm so grateful for her.

Just tonight I decided I would take a little nap before work. At about 10:40pm Sof called and reminded me to wake up so I wasn't late for work (I was planning to be up at 10pm...). I was still late for work, but if she hadn't called I would still be sleeping.

I'm grateful to be in a normal relationship- you know, one that you care about each other. It's been a while since that happened; it's refreshing.

I got to meet Sof's friends last week and it was lots of fun. I'm excited for her to meet my friends and family (hopefully), too! :)

Oh! And she lets me be a cat lady; she even likes my cats (or pretends to like them and I'm fine with that). Meow.

Gratefulllllllllllll

Today I'm grateful for being back in school. Seriously, I never thought that I'd get to go back since I screwed it up so many times. The entire first year that I was sober I thought I was doomed to a life working at the truck stop, making minimum wage and barely having  enough money to buy cat food and top ramen.

I mean, it's not like I'm rolling in the dough now and it's still been a challenge to be able to work full-time at the truck stop while going to school- I couldn't be more grateful for it.

I am also grateful that my studying is starting to pay off! My grade in social psych just went up from a B- to an A, my math grade is an A, social theory is an A and the class I hate more than anything is a B. I can handle that. Life is good. School is a lot of work but it's good and I'm grateful for it.

Grateful: day 2

I am grateful for my parents today.

My dad is the most kind person I have ever met- he would do anything for anyone. I always remember growing up my dad would be the first to invite random people over for dinner, taking Christmas to families who wouldn't have it otherwise, working multiple jobs to support our family, and coming to all of my events in school and sports no matter how far away they were or what time of day.

My mom and I have had our differences but lately (since I've been sober but especially the past couple of months) it seems like we are able to get along. She is always giving me food, toilet paper, and inviting me over for dinner. My mom is Joey's biggest fan and to me, that makes her golden in my book because who doesn't love good ol' Joe?

The best part is that I know no matter what, my parents love me. They might not agree with everything I do or believe, but at the end of the day I know they will always be there for me and love me. Couldn't ask for anything more.

No Shave November

No shave November. My favorite time of the year. I don't love November for the "no shave" part because I really like shaving, but I love nearly everything else about it.

I love crisp mornings walking to school after a long night at work. It seems to wake me up and helps me feel refreshed. 

I love that I can wear jackets and hoodies. I need to stock up this year. I am running low in that department. 

I love that basketball officially starts in November. So excited to spend my nights at the SUU games with my homies. Aka, April and Joey. 

I love Thanksgiving! I especially love the free Thanksgiving Dinner- this is our 2nd annual dinner and I'm so happy about it. It was so much fun last year and I'm grateful that I get to help do it again. 

I love opening my windows and getting under a few blankets and cuddling with Calv. It's perfect. Now if only I had Sof here, too. :) 

November is going to be great. I can feel it. 

November 1st

I am going to try and update my blog every day with some gratitude for my favorite holiday- Thanksgiving!

Last night I was being a little emo (and by a little, I mean I was extremely emo) and as I was driving home someone sent me some slightly rude messages. Since I was already upset, I didn't respond because I didn't want to be rude back. Today I was still feeling crazy, so I called my friend Mitch and cried to him and he just listened and told me not to worry. Normally, I'm not one to cry to people...and especially not a dude, but Mitch it seriously the best guy. I also got some cute texts and calls from other people who care about me and it really turned into a great day.

So today, I'm grateful that even when I'm being crazy/emo, I have friends who are always here for me and who care about me.

Birthdays

I got to spend time with Sof on her birthday and it was so much fun! All of her friends/family were so nice and it was a really fun night. I was supplied with endless water, diet coke and energy drinks-- I really couldn't have asked for a better night. The bands were really great and it was fun to just hang out and enjoy the night with fun people.

I would go on, but I'll save it for another time. Meow.