Goin to Cali

Wooooo! Goin to Cali for Christmas!!! Seeeee ya!

Oh, holy shit...

Once upon a time there was a girl named Jill. She moved to Las Vegas and moved in with her GF, Jordan. Jill didn't want to be gross, so for the first two weeks that she lived in Las Vegas. Well, as you may have guessed, after two weeks, Jill was FULL of shit. Literally.


Jordan went off to work [for the, I think, first time since I had moved in]; I went straight to the toilet. I sat, strained, pushed, almost fell off the toilet for almost an hour. Nothing. I decided that I'd go lie down and wait. I waited and about twenty minutes later--it was time.

I rushed to the bathroom and pushed one good, lonnnnng push. It hurt a bit but my stomach felt relieved to be empty. It wasn't my biggest poop, but it was comparable. I flushed.

"Oh shit", I thought. The water didn't go down, it rose up until it almost flowed out of the toilet. I looked around for a plunger but I had no such luck. Luckily the water didn't overflow; I just decided to pretend I didn't know what was going on. I would just act like I didn't know why it wouldn't flush. After a few hours, I really did forget that I had clogged the toilet...

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Later that night Jordan was getting in the shower, used the bathroom and then flushed the toilet. Well, the toilet started to run over. She called frantically for Amanda to come and help her. Jordan strained her neck to turn the water off; Amanda found the plunger which was under the kitchen sick (WTF...who keeps a toilet plunger under their sink?!...no wonder I couldn't find it!!)

Well, Jordan didn't know how to plunge and neither did Amanda, so Jill to the rescue came along and plunged "Jordan's" mess; everything was taken care of and Jill saved the day.

Jordan, that was my poop clogging the toilet. Oh, yes....love. Isn't it great?! Thanks for taking my blame...and thanks for pooping at the most opportune moment possible. You may resume pooping in our bathroom now. Our toilet isn't defective...I am! :)

i'm the smartest person on earth: part 2

For a link to a similar situation less than a year ago...click here!

If you read my blog, you've read the link posted above. If not, read it.

Well then fast forward about a year. Similar story, but worse since it wasn't the first time I've done this.

Jordan and I drove to Utah for a funeral; weather was nice and we got there fine. As we were about to leave, a blizzard hit Cedar. Darn. I hate snow; Jordan loved it, so we played in it. I decided we could try and drive home. We hopped in the car and tried to take off...but the car wouldn't move! Jordan blamed it on her "Nevada" tires; right as she was getting out into the blizzard to push the car I realized that the emergency brake was on. Not wanting to look stupid, I played along and acted like we were stuck in a patch of snow. After a couple of minutes pushing, I released the brake, Jordan hopped in and we drove around Cedar for 40 minutes and then decided not to go back to Vegas until the next day.

Jordan, I love you and I'm sorry you had to "push" your car out of the snow! xoxo

oh the joys of paper thin walls: part 1

Have you ever lived in an apartment where the walls seem so thin it's like they are non-existent? 

Ever have the pleasure of listening to an old, dirty, construction worker, chronically drunk and his mid-40's, cocktail waitress girlfriend have sex but only on the days they aren't threatening the other persons life? 


Does this sound like something you'd like? Well then you've come to the right spot, folks! Step right up.


Once upon a time, there lived a not-so-happy-or-functional couple, Jackie and David. [names have not been changed to protect them, as I have not actually met these two in person...only glimpses of their life in which I strain my neck to hear through the walls].

Although tonight was not my first time with Jackie and David, this will be the beginning of there story. Their love/hate/everything in between story. Tonight started out with the bed squeaking. I always get excited when I can hear that old (I'd imagine) bed start rockin'...but tonight it was just Jackie getting in bed while telling dear old David that she "doesn't love him" and that he's a "nasty old pig" (which, I'd agree with). 


David won't let up; he usually digs himself a deeper hole in which Jackie uses to her advantage. She tells him he can't sleep in the bed with her. Then he gets mad. She moves to the guest room; the talking gets muffled. We stop listening. Bed squeaks again; we're back into position in order to get the best sound quality. Repeat five times. 


Now, usually it ends in make-up sex...my favorite! Not tonight...not yet anyway. 


This is the story of David and Jackie, my wall-mates. Every night is a new adventure and I'll be here to update ya'll on the situation. Whether you like it or not...


Until next time. TTFN. 

time out! jk about the last post...

After reading my previous post, Jordan felt bad and decided that we should get in the "Christmas spirit"....actually, after I started crying for no apparent reason and had a meltdown, she was very thoughtful and we went and bought lots of Christmas stuff and decorated the entire apartment. 


Below are some photos of the stuff we made:

So now I'm in the Christmas spirit and ready for a fun holiday! I love you, Jordan! :) 


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone!

Christmas already?!

Ummmmmm, wow! Christmas already? Well, I guess imma grinch this year but I'm not feelin' it at all! I haven't gotten or made any gifts; I don't have a Christmas tree; nothin! This will also be the first year in...forever that I won't get to see Joey open his presents. I'm glad to be able to spend my first Christmas with Jordan here in Vegas, it'll be fun. :)


So, now I'm going to Christmas pep myself up; merry Christmas and happy holidays!

Facebook: changing the world one wasted second at a time...

Facebook. It's everywhere. People in every generation and county are connected with an online networking site we call Facebook.

I'll be the first to admit that I've been shamelessly addicted to Facebooking...or "Fbooking". I actually have no idea why I love Facebook so much. I think it's mostly out of habit that I continually check it; I don't really give a shit what anyone ate for lunch or where they are vacationing...and if I did care, I'd call and ask them.

I've been Facebook free for about a week now and it hasn't bothered me in the slightest. I mean, sure, I miss having something to do while I wait for Jordan to shower and primp all day but I have started reading in my spare time and I love it much more. I think I've been slightly more productive and most certainly have less drama in my life because of my switch to the Amish lifestyle...I mean, the no Facebook lifestyle!

I dare you to quit Fbooking for a week. You'll like it.

goodbye 2010, hello 2011

I'm looking forward to welcoming the new year with hopes that it'll be the best year ever! Here's to new beginnings and a refreshed focus on what's important to me.

Well, 2010, you treated me well...now lets see what 2011 will bring me!