Have you ever been so tired that you stare at a wall/computer screen/tv/book/etc for like 8.5 hours and didn't really do anything? Welcome to my night. I had a lot of studying to do but instead I literally stared into space. Weird.

I still can't believe that I got to go to Nepal! Seriously, that is the greatest thing that I have ever done and it was such a spur of the moment decision. I hope that I get to go back someday. 

But for now, I am working on being in the moment. I am always looking back or looking forward, but rarely just right here, right now. Hell, even in Nepal I had to really force myself to stay in the moment because it's always easier to focus on anything other than what is actually going on. 

I just bought this for my house and I am going to hang it up tomorrow. 

For one of my classes, Motivation and Emotion, we had to choose a goal for the semester. It could be anything: diet, saving money, going to bed at a certain each night, whatever...For mine I wasn't sure what I wanted to do but after thinking about all the things that I did want to do, this sort of encompassed all of them. I truly believe that if we live in the moment, everything else just falls into place and we (I) seem to be much happier. So here's to being here right now.

I had my weekend all planned out. I was going to be so productive and get all my homework done on Friday so that I could enjoy the weekend. I was going to clean my house from top to bottom. I was going to do a lot of things. And then real life happened. I spent my time at work and in my bed. I didn't do my homework (I have lots to do tonight now) and I only partially cleaned my house. I need a week vacation from life to catch up on shit...if only.

Instead, I'll probably be playing catch-up for the remainder of the semester and that's okay. Real life isn't as simple as I sometimes like to believe it is. I always have these lists and schedules written out but when it comes down to it, they are very unrealistic and don't allow for any time to sleep or just "me" time. So, instead of beating myself up over what I didn't do, I'll just be grateful for what I was able to get done.

Here's to being the best I can be this week.

And my favorite post secret this week:

the "beauty myth"

For my senior capstone project this semester, I am doing a research paper about women, their bodies, and the unrealistic standards they are expected to meet. Although mostly it has only made me angry and sad for women, it's also very interesting; there are so many books on this subject that I never knew existed and probably would have never read if not for this paper. 

If you're interested...or just bored with your life, you should read: 

"The Beauty Myth" by Naomi Wolf 

I'm about half way through it and so far, it's very eye-opening, interesting, and quite sad. The next on my list is "Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall" by Kjerstin Gruys. I'm reallllly excited for that one and that's why I'm saving it for last (or at least 2nd). It's her personal account of how she took her life back by not looking in a mirror for a year. If that's not cool, I don't know what is. Seriously, that's awesome and I don't know that I could do it. 

Anyway, since I haven't actually written a paper yet..or even close, I'll shut up. I'm just really excited about this and mostly that there are women who are standing up for themselves and others. People are beautiful. Make-up, boob jobs, designer vagina's (if you can call it that), the latest fashion, etc. don't make us beautiful- we already are and we just don't see it. In fact, Naomi Wolf said that the biggest challenge women face today isn't material status or even legal, it's psychological; we are so accustomed to striving for a "perfect" body, life, family, etc that we don't need laws holding us back...we hold ourselves back. Interesting stuff. 

And now I'll go back to reading because I have lots of it to do. :) 

grateful wednesday?

I'm a bitch lately. Big time. So, I'm gonna make a grateful list...maybe then I'll be nice. Maybe...

• I have a job. I have a job. I have a job. I have a job. 
• The weather is perfect. Seriously, I love fall. 
• Calv gets cuter every.single.day. I swear, that cat is my child..or something like that. 
• Joey came to my work last night at 10pm (that's really late for a school night) just to say hello. I love that kid. And my dad for bringing him. :) 
• On Sunday I got to spend time with Tia & Scout. They always make me feel better. 
• I have spent time with Britt and Ape, too. Those girls let me be crazy and they still (I hope) love me. And they listen to my crazy thoughts. That's cool. 
• Laura Prepon. That's all. 
• My tattoo is looking better. For a minute I was really worried because it was looking nasty and scabby. I guess that happens with real tattoos. Who woulda thunk? 
• I made the best playlist. I've had it on repeat for a few days now and it's still not old. I love every song on it. 
• School isn't horrible. ....
• I graduate in December. Holy shit. 
• I have no dirty dishes in my sink. And my house is decently clean. 
• It's my laundry day! I love clean laundry. 
• I have enough money to pay my bills. yay
• I didn't want to poke my eyeballs out in math yesterday. 
• I've been sober for 29 months and 2 days. weird, but good. 
• Diet Coke w/ Vanilla.
• My hair is still straight from when I had it straightened in May. Best $120.00 I've ever spent. Seriously. 
• I have the weekend off work! 
• My new duvet is the best thing of my whole sleeping existence. 
• My fingernails are pink. If that's not happy, I dunno what is...