repeat

I have had the same song on repeat for 3 days, non-stop. It is driving me insane and yet if I turn it off, I stop working.

I'm not really working right now anyway and I still can't turn it off. I don't know what is going on in my brain, if anything. I will be so glad when my finals are all finished on Thursday. At this point, I'm not very motivated to study but I know I should. My Sex and Gender final will be okay- even if I fail, I'll get an A in the class. My Language and Culture class is a different story...I need to do well on the exam.

I haven't worn make-up for three days, I need to shave, and my laundry is in a huge pile in the bathroom. Luckily Sof did my dishes while she was here because otherwise I'd have a pile of those too.

I can't stop thinking about how different my life was two years ago. I thought I was happy and perhaps, on some level, I was. I am a very different kind of happy now. Before I felt trapped and limited; I didn't think I was able to accomplish anything- and I wasn't doing anything. Now I feel like the whole world is mine and I am taking advantage of that. I feel content and excited about my life right now. Sometimes it's scary and I wish I could go back to just being okay with not doing anything...but I know I could never be happy doing that.

So for now, I'll embrace the new. For starters, I'm going to Nepal in about 3 weeks! I am getting so excited! I can't wait for this awesome adventure. I would have never been able to do this had I continued living in Las Vegas two years ago. In fact, I would probably be even more miserable now than I was then. I am still unsure of what my next move will be once I graduate in December because I have no idea if I can get into grad school.

All I know is that I'm happy. And that's good enough for me. And that song is still playing. And it's still driving me insane.