Freeeeezing up in here.

It has been getting prettttty cold at night in Cedar; last night the pipes froze at work and I had no running water and they didn't thaw until 4pm. I need to move to Hawaii. Or Vegas. Or Arizona. Or anywhere that the "cold" weather is still above 30 degrees.

Today was kind of a bummer day. I got off work late and then went to the school to buy my books- and I also finally bought a coat..it's more of a jacket, but I like it. After that I slept until April got off work and then we got coke and cruised for minute and then I slept again until I had to work. I hate it when I don't do anything but sleep- I just couldn't get out of bed. I'm pretty sad about my break-up and a little depressed that it's so cold outside. I need to pull my head out of my ass and start being productive. School starts Monday and I don't feel prepared at all, aside from having my books. Hopefully when I get off work today I'll feel a little better and can get some things done around my house.

In other news, I finally have a mini vacation planned. I mean, it's hardly a vacation- but it's one day out of Cedar...so I'll take it. It's not until the end of January, so now I'll have something to look forward to.

Anyway, this is a lame blog. Bye

The past two days have been interesting. I broke up with my girlfriend. Again. This time for good. I parted with a couch I've had since before I was born (my parents old couch) and a table that I bought to "pinterest". I've decided to revamp my house and in doing so, a few things needed to go because it was getting pretty cramped in there. Today I spoke in front of a large group and remembered how much I don't like doing so. I get so frazzled. Oh well, it's over and I'm alive. Oh, and the women's basketball team lost tonight. Damn. 

Oh well, there's always next time. Maybe someday I'll find love. Maybe someday I'll get a real couch. Maybe someday the women will win a game. Who really knows? All I know is that right now, I'm okay. In fact, I'm actually happy. Life is good and I'm ready for some crazy adventures!

I'll post pics of my "new" and improved living space when it happens. Hoping to get a lot done this weekend!

2013

I always make very specific resolutions and rarely (if ever) finish or even start them. What I have learned about myself over the past year or so is that I don't like strict rules...I like to have guidelines and then figure out a way to get there. So, for my 2013 resolutions they will be broad enough that it gives me room to play with it and still accomplish something that I want to do.

• I want to take more time for "fun". Oftentimes on my day off I just sleep or I'm hermit status. I know I need sleep and it's okay to be alone, but this year I want to focus more on my relationships with friends and family by making an effort to go out more and have fun. 
• Pass all my classes again! In a perfect world, I would say I don't want to miss class- but I think that would be setting myself up for failure. If it happens, great... ha 
• Go on a fun vacation. I don't care where as long as it's not in Utah. I need a beach or something. 
• Don't use work as an excuse not to do something. Sometimes I choose to go to work early so that I can avoid being social. Lame, right? 
• Read more. I forgot how much reading school takes; last semester I didn't read one book that I didn't have to read for school. I don't like that. I need suggestions!
• Be healthier. Be on a semi-normal sleep schedule- working graves kind of puts a damper on that, but it's doable and I need to do it. Eat better. Exercise. You know, the usual. 
• Don't commit to more than I can actually do. I always feel bad saying no, but then I end up saying yes to way too much sometimes. And then I get burned out and want to quit everything. Balance is something I need to work on, obviously. 
• Start working with my sponsor again. 
• Take time for myself to do projects I want to do.
• Be true to myself. I know what I want but sometimes it's hard for me to be assertive enough to follow through. 
• Take more pictures, write more, and listen to more music. 
• Get organized: use a planner of some sort and throw away my junk. 

Hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve 2012 and that ya'll are ready for an even better 2013! 

Happy 2013- but first, 2012: a review

As I've been reading other blogs about what people did in 2012 I feel like I didn't do anything. Perhaps I didn't do many exciting things, but it was a good year.

January:
I got to spend oodles and oodles of time with my grandpa- mostly at doctor visits. Oftentimes I was impatient, tired and ready for bed during these appointments but looking back I'm so grateful that I got to spend that time with him.

February:
Went on my first "real" date since being sober. Obviously didn't turn out...but it was fun and I learned that dating is supposed to be awkward and fun. Sober dating is not something I'm good at or even really enjoy but at least we got that outta the way.

March:
I have no idea what I did around this time in my life. Whoops.

April:
Joey turned 19 and I celebrated one year of sobriety. Holy cow, time flies!

May:
Joey graduated high school!! I graduated Horizon House- wahoo.
I took a trip to Vegas for the first time since moving back. I learned that I'm more of a home body and would prefer to be in bed by 10pm rather than staying up all night (too bad I work graves).
Oh and I got my house all to myself when the roomie moved out.

June:
I reapplied to SUU. I have no idea what else I did. Lagoon maybe?

July:
Found out I got back into SUU, hit up Lagoon and SLC gay pride with my bestie and stressed about school.

August:
Started school!! Starting dating Sof.

September:
Turned twenty-freaking-seven. Gag. Calv turned 1!

October:
No clue...school.

November:
I cooked a turkey and had  friends over for Thanksgiving.

December:
Passed all my finals, got good grades and had a nice and relaxing break from school.

Up next, some goals/resolutions for 2013!

Happy Birthday

Happy birthday to the best dad in the world! I love you!! 

Christmas and stuff

Christmas has come and gone. Whew. For a minute I thought I wasn't going to make it this year. I was able to spend Christmas Eve with my family at my grandparents house; it was nice and relaxing. I was going to sleep at my parents house with Joey and Enna but decided to sleep in my own bed at my house. I woke up at 5:30 Christmas morning and went up to my parents house. I woke everyone up and we opened (watched Joey) presents. It was a lot of fun and I got spoiled. So did Joey.

After we were done opening gifts and hanging out, Buddy and Andi came up- and all the kids took moms car for a cruise to listen to Joey's new CD- "Now 44". ha ha.

Then we all went to grandma's for breakfast and pictures. Good thing I haven't showered or brushed my hair in like 4 days. I'm sure I'll love having these pictures.

I went home and slept most of the day and in the afternoon we went to Les Miserables (everyone minus Buddy, Dad and Joey). It was such a good movie and I'm glad I went- although it was nearly 3 hours long....which, in my book, is too long.

Now I'm at work. I'm tired, I'm sick and I wanna be in bed. 4 more hours. :)

Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas Eve- the morning of Christmas Eve, actually. As I'm sitting here at work thinking of all the shopping I still need to do tomorrow, I'm kicking myself for putting it off so long. On the other hand, I kind of like waiting until Christmas Eve to shop. It seems thrilling and exciting. ha ha...okay, not really.

The past few days have been so crazy. Between work and Sub4Santa I haven't gotten much sleep and I was starting to get a little crazy...or more crazy than normal. I have been stressed about Sub4Santa for a few weeks because last year we had much more done a lot sooner. This year we didn't know if we were going to be able to pull it off (time and money). Of course it all worked out and it was the best year we've had yet!

We weren't able to schedule a time to do the bake sale until Dec. 22- which is rather late, but we made more money than we've ever made doing a bake sale, plus we had more donations of money and gifts than ever before. Not only were we able to provide Christmas for over 20 kids- we gave Christmas dinner to 7 families. The best part was that the day before we were to deliver gifts, we took on a new family. The mom has something wrong with her heart (I don't know the medical terms) and the daughter is losing her ability to communicate. We had enough extra money that we were able to buy her an iPad!

All in all, life is good. People are good and I have cried (happy and crazy emo) more than I want to admit. Merry Christmas, everyone! :)

I thought once school ended I would mellow out and be less stressed, non-hormonal, and carefree. Turns out, it's quite the opposite; one might even say I'm more stressed, more hormonal and worried about everything.

I'm stressed that the Sub4Santa project isn't done yet and Christmas is coming so quickly.
I'm stressed that I haven't gotten any Christmas presents done yet. Some are started and some are almost done. But not one is completely ready to go.
I am on my period (3 weeks late) and more hormonal than I should be at any given time.
And mostly, I'm worrying about my grades. I won't find out until Wednesday and I think I'm giving myself an ulcer thinking about it.
On top of it, I babysat Joey last week while he was sick and now I'm sick.

So, today when I get off of work I'm going to go home and clean the shit (literally, cat shit) out of my house. Then maybe I'll get some Christmas shopping done and put together a couple presents. And I should probably shower and shave. My arm hair is long enough to be braided right now and I hate that; my legs are the same. Woof.

I know this blog doesn't make any sense and probably never does...but whatever. I get to see Sof tomorrow and I can't wait!

Hope everyone else is done Christmas shopping, not worried about grades and isn't on their period. Today is gonna be a good day. Meow

Kitties are like kids: part 2

I like giving people gifts. I also like buying my cats toys. Not really because they love them, but because it makes me feel good. 

You know when you give a baby a present and you think they will love it? And then they end up playing with the box that the toy came in and not the gift itself? Damn, right? 

Well today when I got home from work I was getting ready for bed and noticed a tampon wrapper on the bathroom floor. I kicked it and Calv came running and then played with it for a good 10 minutes before I threw it away. Weird, but okay.

Then when I woke up from my nap, I noticed he has found it and was playing with it again. Who knew I didn't need to spend 3 dollars on Christmas presents for Calv- all he needs is a tampon wrapper. Sweet! I will be returning his gift tomorrow. Tampon wrappers will be saved from now on and my kitty will be happy. 

Kids and kitties are so cool, right?

Kitty children

I love my cat(s). Yes, I do love them both. I love Calv more than anything, though. And here's how I know how:

Exhibit A: Calv walks into the bedroom, shits next to the litter box and then hops on my bed. I cuddle with him for ten minutes and then clean up his shit. And then cuddle some more.


I can imagine that being a parent to a real, human kid would be similar to how I love Calv. Yes... I am angry he shit on my floor, but I still love him. Yes, it's disgusting and I don't want to clean up shit...but sometimes you just do what you gotta do.

Don't judge me.

I told Joey I was going to bring Calv up to my parents house for Christmas Eve. His response? "You will stress mom out!!"

I guess no cats on Christmas Eve for me! :)

I woke up this morning at about 4am, dying of heat. I live in an old house that is converted into 3 small apartments; my neighbors downstairs have control of the furnace (well, we all do  because it's in the laundry room...but they take control). It was 85 degrees in my house and that was with my windows open. If it was my choice, I would leave the heat below 70 degrees and wear warmer clothes if I was cold. Turns out, I don't get to decide on this one so I woke up and started studying. As I was taking a break on good ol' Facebook, my little bro posted a picture of himself and said that he was staying home sick. I called and arranged to spend the day with him.

This is a win-win situation. I got to leave my hot-as-hell-house to come to my parents cold house (my mom likes it cold) and hang out with a cool dude while I study. Today is a good day.

I have one more paper to write, 4 exams and then I'm done for the semester. I can't wait would be an understatement.

Today I'm grateful for:

• my fam
• Sof
• M&M's (Joey and I are currently eating all of the Christmas supply of them)
• Netflix (for entertaining Joey while I "study")
• my baby sis 
• Ape
• Ice water
• Cuties
• Showers and warm water
• basketball clothes

I asked Joey if he wanted a drink and then told him he could have water, milk, or orange juice. He graciously informed me that juice makes him poop. Great, we'll go with the milk. ha 

I decorated for Christmas with Joey at my house today- and by that i mean we taped one strand of lights in my front window and taped a "Happy Holiday's" sign to my front door. ha But at least now my neighbors think I'm festive.

I also have a "photo shoot" for Calv and Gretch. I'm sending out Christmas cards. Watch out.

Today sucked overall, but I'm hoping that between school and work things will be better by next Friday.

I'm ready for a break and hopefully a trip to SLC to see friends. I need a break!

good intentions

Today when I got to work I was feeling refreshed and ready to get shit done. I normally get to work, do the shit I absolutely have to do and then do homework. Tonight I decided I would go above and beyond and work as hard as I could.

Well, I did. And I got lots of shit done. As I was in the cooler trying to put away the Pepsi order (because the Pepsi drivers suck and don't put it away)- I dropped a liter of Pepsi in the cooler and it exploded. So then I had to mop the cooler and move everything I had just put away. I guess sometimes it's better just to sit back and do my homework.

On a positive note, I was talking to a staff member at Horizon House (who I also have a class with) and telling him how frustrated I am with not being able to do an MSW. He told me that he thinks I should try and do it anyway. Sometimes it's nice to have someone who thinks I can do what I want to do; I still don't know what I will do or if I can even get into an MSW program...but I guess it won't hurt to try. :)

Today I'm grateful for mops, Monsters, Cuties (Mandarin oranges), and Calv. Meow.

Attitude Adjustment or something.

Obviously from the last couple of posts, I have been a little upset. And to say a little upset would be a lie- I've been so angry for the last couple of days that it was starting to really bring me down. I'm still upset. I still wish that my DUI wasn't affecting my life the way it is right now. I still want to get my MSW.

But...

Today I met with my academic adviser (who also happens to be awesome!) and talked about all my options. She advised that I stay at SUU and do my masters in Public Administration. I had already thought about this option and think that it could be great- but it's not exactly what I wanted. I guess that's the great part about life...you never know what will happen.

I would loveeee to do my MSW at UNLV. I have been wanting to do this for years now and I didn't think that having a DUI would play any major role in my decision making process. Turns out, after talking to many people, it does. Sure, I can get into an MSW program without any major consequences of having a DUI but to get licensed after the program is another story. People have done it and maybe it would work out for me, too. But it's not a risk that I am able to financially make at this point. I can't afford to pay upwards of $40,000 to possibly get licensed. I need something that I will be able to rely on and survive on- and that seems to be a different route than what I intended.

In 2020 I will be eligible to get my DUI expunged from my record. At that point, if I feel like I need to get my MSW, I will. For now, I think I'll just roll with the punches and take a slightly different, not better or worse, path. And I'm okay with that.

I still wouldn't trade getting a DUI for anything. I don't think I would even be in school to care about getting an MSW if I didn't experience everything I have up to this point. So, although it's not ideal, I'll take the DUI and work with it. I am a firm believer that everything will work out; it might not be how I think it should be, but it will be good and I can be successful.

One weeks left of school! Wahooo!

Rant.

Did you know that it takes longer for a misdemeanor DUI to be expunged than it does a felony? 7 years for a felony and 10 years for a DUI. 

Did you know that in some states you can have a felony and still be a licensed social worker but you can't have a DUI? 

Looks like I should I have done coke. Or meth. Or heroin. My bad...

Weird

Sometimes life is weird as shit. Today was one of those days.

I found out that I can indeed graduate early, but only if I take 3 classes in the summer. Not bad, except I don't have money to pay for them. So I guess we'll have to see about that.

Just in case I DO get to graduate in the summer, I started applying for grad schools today. I hadn't really thought much about it (I have thought a lot about it, but nothing specific)...and then the question that got me was "do you have an charges aside from minor traffic tickets?" came up. I do, indeed, have a DUI and other alcohol related charges and for some reason I had just assumed it wouldn't even matter at this point. Turns out, it does and I will have to ask the Board of Social Work in whatever state I go to school/plan to work, if I can get my license. The only problem is that they won't tell me until AFTER I finish my MSW program.

So now I'm left wondering if it's worth 2 years- time and money, to MAYBE get my license. I really hope that someone will have more clear answers for me or some advice. I am meeting with my adviser at SUU on Thursday and I have been emailing some professors at potential schools but I just feel so defeated.

I know it'll all work out but it's frustrating right now because I have no idea what I should be doing. Wish me luck! :)

Lucky Charms and Monster

My diet the past 3 days has consisted of ice water, Lucky Charms, and blue Monster energy drinks. It's not all it's cracked up to be and I'm feeling a little bit cracked. The good news, however, is that finals happen in one week! I don't know how to describe how happy I am or the amount of relief I will feel when it's over. My first semester back has been a good one...but one that won't be missed.

Good thing Lucky Charms were invented, though. Seriously, I can't think of a more unhealthy food to eat, especially for breakfast- and then add it in for lunch, dinner and snacks, too. Maybe when I graduate college I'll prepare real human food, but for now, I kinda like it.

Sometimes I want to punch people in the face.

Seriously, though. I am usually a pretty nice person and I don't usually want to punch anyone...especially not in the face. But there are instances in which I want nothing more than to do so...here are a few:

• People in class who ask the same questions over and over. Seriously, you don't look smarter for the professor when you do that...you look stupid. And you're annoying. Stop it. 
• People who cheat on their significant other. I don't care why or how- I just want to punch you. And, in all reality, I have indeed punched one or two peeps for my friends... and I'm not afraid to do it again. It might be a slightly more awkward doing so sober, but I will. Trust me.
• The week before finals week. Because if I could punch this week, I would. 
• My head cold. I don't actually want to punch myself in the head...but if it would get rid of whatever nasty cold I have, I would. 

I feel a little better. 

Monday's come so soon.

Monday already? Wowza. I had a nice Thanksgiving break- minus feeling like I was gonna die for half of it due to a stupid head cold. Thank goodness Taunya was so sweet and came in super early for me on Sunday morning so I could go sleep.

Other than that, I have just been rearranging my schedule for school a million times. I think I have it how I want it- and then I change it again. I think it's getting close to how it'll be next semester and I'm excited. As of right now, I will be taking:

• Sociology of Drugs
• Global Issues in Sociology 
• Quantitative Reasoning (Math) 
• Organizational Communication 
• Family Processes and Theory
• Community Proposal

I'm pretty excited for all most of my classes. I can't say I'm thrilled to take math or the 2nd class of University 1000. But whatever. That's life. 

I mostly picked my classes based upon the time of the class. I will be done with school Monday-Friday by noon everyday. I am more than excited to try and have a "normal" sleep schedule that will not include a 3 hour nap, class, 2 hour nap, another class, etc. I am hoping that I will be able to work 11pm-7:30am, go to class from 8am-noon, and then sleep from about noon-7 or 8pm each night. That way I'll still have a semblance of a social life from 8-11pm. ha ha

Thanksgiving

I really love Thanksgiving. Last year I got to spend my Thanksgiving at the community Thanksgiving dinner- it was just what I needed and I'm so grateful for it.


This year I decided that I would help out with the community dinner but that I wanted to have some friends over to my house for a little dinner, too. I woke up early and started cooking the turkey. I never knew how disgusting pulling guts out of the turkey can be- and then I had a little hissing match with Calv because he wanted to eat the whole thing raw. I compromised and boiled the neck for him. He loved it.

I only stayed at the community dinner for a little while and then went home to finish cooking. Sof is here and has been sick- so she was in bed most of the day. Marin came over early to help me finish cooking and then Brittni and Adam joined us (with lots of delicious food they baked).

I am so grateful that even though I wasn't able (logistically) to spend Thanksgiving with my family, I have such wonderful friends that I was able to enjoy the holiday with and test out my turkey baking skills. Turns out, doesn't take much...or I lucked out...or perhaps I'm the only one who didn't hate it. ha. Either way, it was a really wonderful day.

Plus, I got to have pre-game lunch with the bestie.

Today I'm grateful for friends who have become family. I'm also grateful for my real fam. This morning my dad helped me get stuff ready to take to the community dinner.

Things work out.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I always worry, stress out and freak out because I don't think things will work out. And so far, they always have. Somewhere deep in my pea-sized brain, even during a freak out, I know that everything will work out and yet I still make myself sick over everything.
Some of it is a good thing, though. For example: my social theory paper that I was stressing about writing only took me an hour to write. Usually they take me at least 4 hours to research, read all the shit and then write-- so the hour was a breeze. I have no idea if I even wrote about what was being talked about, but I feel better that it's done.
Now I'm on to stressing about job interviews, more homework, a group project, math, no sleep, Thanksgiving dinner, etc.

I just need to keep reminding myself that if I put in the work, everything will work out. It might not be how I want it or how I think it should be...but it does work out.

Since I've been crabby lately, I'm going to make a happy list:

• I get to see Sof this week!
• We are having Thanksgiving dinner with Britt face and Adam 
• I get a break from school- the actual school part, not the homework. I'll take what I can get.
• SUU Basketball on Wednesday with my homies (Joey and Enna)
• My bills are paid. For now. I love feeling a little bit caught up. 
• Calv has been so cuddly and cute lately. I love him so much. 
• Today (Monday) is going to be a long day but I always feel so good after it's all over. 
• I'm super happy that I will have time to clean my house on Wednesday. It needs it. And I always feel 100 times better about life when the house is clean. 
• I will (hopefully) get to see my family this week at some point. All of my moms fam will be here. We'll see how that goes...

Anyway, I really do feel much better about life right now than I did last night. Today is gonna be a long ass day but then I get to sleep tonight and somehow that makes things better. I hope everyone has a very happy Thanksgiving!

This weekend has been the weekend of death. I want to drop out of school, run away, and sleep forever. Seriously. F*#* math. I hate it so much and it obviously hates me, too. And social theory can kiss my ass.

The only class I feel good about right now is Social Psych and it's not even that good. I don't know how I ever passed a class drunk if I can't even pass the damn thing sober. Blah.


Anyway, it's almost Thanksgiving. yay

So tired.

Lately I just feel like I can't sleep enough. Luckily, I work tonight and have school tomorrow and then I don't have to work on Friday night. I plan to use my time sleeping and cuddling with Calv. I'm just so tired. All the time. No matter how much sleep I get.

On other news, there isn't any. School and work are just kicking my ass- that's it.

I AM excited for Thanksgiving though! :)

And here we go again.

I just wanna stay in bed all day.

On second thought...

After re-reading my last blog post, I realize I sound like an ungrateful bitch....which, perhaps I am.

I guess mostly what I am learning is that life happens. People get sick, sleep doesn't have an on and an off switch, cats shit in a box and can't clean it out themselves, dishes don't do themselves, homework can be tedious and quite time consuming, and people are self-centered.

I am self-centered. The world definitely revolved around me and if it doesn't, I get upset. Isn't that like 2-year-old mentality? I think so. And yet, I still find myself getting upset over petty things that don't go my way.

I am usually too tired to hang out with friends, I never make it to family dinner at my parents house, my house is rarely spotless (if ever), I am horrible at math, I never call my sponsor or do step work, I haven't been to AA in weeks and I suck at math. And yet, I still have all these wonderful people who care about and love me.

This week, I'm going to try to "go with the flow" and just enjoy the moment. I get so caught up in trying to make everything go how I want it to go and then it never does...and even if what actually happened turns out to be great, I'm too busy being upset that it wasn't how I planned it.

Someone wise (who I won't name) would tell me to make a gratitude list, so I will:

• I'm grateful that I have litter boxes. My house would be even more of a nightmare without them...plus, that means I have kitties. 
• I'm grateful I got to sleep yesterday...even if it wasn't at my planned time or amount. 
• I'm grateful that I get to go watch basketball later today with my bestie and my GF. 
• I'm grateful that even though it's cold as %#%# outside right now, it's warm inside the truck stop. 
• I'm grateful that Sof is here for a few days- even if I am a bitch. ha 
• I'm grateful for schoolwork- I can't remember what I did all night at work before I was in school. Man, it sure makes the nights fly by. 
• I'm grateful for my school schedule next semester! I'm taking classes that I think I'll really enjoy- except math. 
• I'm grateful for technology. Even though I think it's a little overboard sometimes- I'm glad I can text my sis and Sof  (who don't live here) anytime. That's neat.

Okay, I'm still not feelin' it but maybe tomorrow will be better. Meow

expectations

As I was getting off work at 7:30am this morning, I was pumped for the day. Today was going to be perfect.

I ran to the store to pick up some groceries before I had school at 9am. Class went well and I enjoyed the discussion. I suppose this only added to my delusional thinking that it would be a good idea to plan my day. I know from a million past experiences that when I plan things, I also set expectations...and when I have expectations, shit goes crazy. And then I do.

Anyway, as I walked into my cat infested, messy as shit house, I soon realized that today might not be exactly how I planned it-- but figured it could be close. I got into my pajamas, tried to sleep for a minute and couldn't fall asleep, so I decided I'd make lunch before my 1pm class instead of after. My GF is here visiting and I thought it'd be fun to actually be able to sit and enjoy lunch together. I woke her up and told her I was making lunch- she said she wasn't hungry and that she didn't feel well.

Damn. I had already started cooking bacon and slicing vegetables, so I decided to continue anyway. I ate lunch alone and tried to take a quick nap before school. When my alarm went off at 12:40 I didn't want to move. Sof convinced me to get up and go- and that was probably the best part of my day. I hate it when I miss school because I'm tired.

After math I came home expecting that my cats magically cleaned their litter boxes and that my house wouldn't smell like shit. That didn't happen, but the dishes were done (thanks Sof).

I planned to sleep after math for a few hours and then wake up and spend time with Sof. Turns out, I slept until I had to get ready for work.

So, instead of a lunch-date and fun-filled evening, I ate alone and slept all day. And now I'm back at work (planning tomorrow).

The funny thing is, I really have been planning tomorrow. You know, when I will sleep and for how long (yeah right....that shit never happens how I plan it), who I'm going to spend time with and at what time, when I will shower, etc. I'm not sure why I repeatedly do this or if it's just a necessary evil: plan things even though you know it won't go the way you want it to go, because if you don't plan at all nothing will get done? I'm not sure.

All I know is that tomorrow can kiss my ass. I'm sleeping all day.

Even though...

Even though I didn't want to come to work tonight, I'm grateful for a job.
Even though pb&j isn't the most glamorous meal in the world, I'm grateful I have food to eat.
Even though my house is tiny and only has outlets in weird places, I'm so grateful it's mine.
Even though my cats pee on everything and make my house a disaster, I'm grateful for them.
Even though I don't get to hang out with my friends as much as I'd like to, I'm grateful that they are always here for me and that they are my friends.
Even though school is kicking my ass, I'm so grateful to be learning and (hopefully) almost done with my Bachelors degree.
Even though I hate math, I'm grateful that my math professor is so rad and that I'm actually learning it this time around.
Even though social theory isn't my cup of tea, I'm grateful that I am going to pass it this semester and I'll never have to take it again. Ever.
Even though psychology isn't my major, I'm grateful that I get to take lots of psych classes (mostly because there is a serious lack of sociology classes offered at SUU).

Even though I have no idea why I'm writing this, I am.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Election Day: Over

Finally, the elections are over and the Facebook nonsense can end. I mean, I'm sure it'll only get worse (the Facebook shit) before it gets better...but at least we're on the upward spiral now. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great and wonderful that we live in such a diverse country and that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. And even though I do not support Romney (for very obvious reasons), I can understand why some people do support him. And I can even respect some people who voted for Mitt. The thing I can't understand are the women who voted for Mitt--and especially the women who USE government assistance. I mean, really? Come on, people. Get real. Also, what's with gay folk who support someone who so openly discriminates against them? I will never understand. Ever.


But that's okay, because now I don't have to worry. Obama it is!

Now that that's over I feel much better. Peace out, homies.

Today I'm grateful for my baby sis. Even though we don't live in the same city or talk every day, I know I can always count on her. She's been one of my best friends throughout my life- even through the fighting and biting, and I'm so grateful that she's my sister. 

I could go on for days about all the things that Anne has done for me. 

Thanks for being the best sister in the world, honey. Meowwww. 

day 4: grateful

Today I'm grateful for my girlfriend, Sof. She is seriously one of the best people I know and I feel so lucky to have her in my life. Although I don't get to see her as often as I'd like, and I'm usually emo/tired when I do see her, I'm so grateful for her.

Just tonight I decided I would take a little nap before work. At about 10:40pm Sof called and reminded me to wake up so I wasn't late for work (I was planning to be up at 10pm...). I was still late for work, but if she hadn't called I would still be sleeping.

I'm grateful to be in a normal relationship- you know, one that you care about each other. It's been a while since that happened; it's refreshing.

I got to meet Sof's friends last week and it was lots of fun. I'm excited for her to meet my friends and family (hopefully), too! :)

Oh! And she lets me be a cat lady; she even likes my cats (or pretends to like them and I'm fine with that). Meow.

Gratefulllllllllllll

Today I'm grateful for being back in school. Seriously, I never thought that I'd get to go back since I screwed it up so many times. The entire first year that I was sober I thought I was doomed to a life working at the truck stop, making minimum wage and barely having  enough money to buy cat food and top ramen.

I mean, it's not like I'm rolling in the dough now and it's still been a challenge to be able to work full-time at the truck stop while going to school- I couldn't be more grateful for it.

I am also grateful that my studying is starting to pay off! My grade in social psych just went up from a B- to an A, my math grade is an A, social theory is an A and the class I hate more than anything is a B. I can handle that. Life is good. School is a lot of work but it's good and I'm grateful for it.

Grateful: day 2

I am grateful for my parents today.

My dad is the most kind person I have ever met- he would do anything for anyone. I always remember growing up my dad would be the first to invite random people over for dinner, taking Christmas to families who wouldn't have it otherwise, working multiple jobs to support our family, and coming to all of my events in school and sports no matter how far away they were or what time of day.

My mom and I have had our differences but lately (since I've been sober but especially the past couple of months) it seems like we are able to get along. She is always giving me food, toilet paper, and inviting me over for dinner. My mom is Joey's biggest fan and to me, that makes her golden in my book because who doesn't love good ol' Joe?

The best part is that I know no matter what, my parents love me. They might not agree with everything I do or believe, but at the end of the day I know they will always be there for me and love me. Couldn't ask for anything more.

No Shave November

No shave November. My favorite time of the year. I don't love November for the "no shave" part because I really like shaving, but I love nearly everything else about it.

I love crisp mornings walking to school after a long night at work. It seems to wake me up and helps me feel refreshed. 

I love that I can wear jackets and hoodies. I need to stock up this year. I am running low in that department. 

I love that basketball officially starts in November. So excited to spend my nights at the SUU games with my homies. Aka, April and Joey. 

I love Thanksgiving! I especially love the free Thanksgiving Dinner- this is our 2nd annual dinner and I'm so happy about it. It was so much fun last year and I'm grateful that I get to help do it again. 

I love opening my windows and getting under a few blankets and cuddling with Calv. It's perfect. Now if only I had Sof here, too. :) 

November is going to be great. I can feel it. 

November 1st

I am going to try and update my blog every day with some gratitude for my favorite holiday- Thanksgiving!

Last night I was being a little emo (and by a little, I mean I was extremely emo) and as I was driving home someone sent me some slightly rude messages. Since I was already upset, I didn't respond because I didn't want to be rude back. Today I was still feeling crazy, so I called my friend Mitch and cried to him and he just listened and told me not to worry. Normally, I'm not one to cry to people...and especially not a dude, but Mitch it seriously the best guy. I also got some cute texts and calls from other people who care about me and it really turned into a great day.

So today, I'm grateful that even when I'm being crazy/emo, I have friends who are always here for me and who care about me.

Birthdays

I got to spend time with Sof on her birthday and it was so much fun! All of her friends/family were so nice and it was a really fun night. I was supplied with endless water, diet coke and energy drinks-- I really couldn't have asked for a better night. The bands were really great and it was fun to just hang out and enjoy the night with fun people.

I would go on, but I'll save it for another time. Meow.

18 Months Soberrrrr

Holy smokes- today I've been sober for 18 months! I can hardly even believe time is going by so quickly. It feels like yesterday that I was walking into rehab, not knowing what to expect. I'm so, so grateful that my family helped me get to Horizon House and that once I got there- I actually stayed. It's beyond me why I didn't walk out a million different times. I hated that place at times; I also made some of my best friends and learned so much while I was there.

I have the best sponsor (even if I don't call her enough), my family is awesome, my girlfriend is one of my biggest supports and my friends are all amazing. Thanks to everyone who put up with me before I got sober and has continued to be there for me during the past 18 months. I am just so happy and so grateful.

Wahoooo!

schoolio

• School is going rather well- better than a few weeks ago when I felt like rusty brains. I mean, I'm sure I'm still just as rusty, but I'm getting A's on my Social Theory papers and I'm doing well in math...so I can't really complain about that. Hopefully I can hold on a little longer and get this semester over with. 

• I haven't been "living" at the truck stop like I was for the first month and a half of school and it's been so nice. I've been able to spend quite a lot of time doing things I love, with people that I love. I am working full-time still...just not crazy overtime. It's been very nice-- all except my paychecks..but I'd take the time off any day. 

• I watched the movie "what to expect when you're expecting" last night with my cats. I wasn't expecting it to be great, but I loved it. So funny. And now I want a baby. I've always loved kids but over the last few years I've just accepted that I'll probably never have one and I'm fine with that--up until last night. Now I think I need a baby. ha ha 

• Today there were lots of Halloween parties- instead of going, I hung out with April and then Joey. Way more fun. I'm not a fan of dressing up to go do nothing....I mean, really, that's sorta lame. 

• I really need to start writing more exciting things....or maybe if my life were a little more exciting I'd have more to write about. Oh well, I'm sure in 10 years I'll enjoy reading this. 

Today was such a good day. I slept in because my first class was just a review for the test on Tuesday and he gives up a study guide- so there's no point to go listen to his read the questions to me. Then I woke up, had time to actually shower and go to math- in real clothes. Second time this semester that I wore real clothes to math. The good news, the professor never showed up for class and the power in the whole city went out so we all left school.

Instead of being a hermit, I went and played cards with my grandparents. It was nice to see them and I'm glad I got to hang with them for a couple of hours. They really crack me up.

Then I got a niceeee nap in and a cruise with April before work. Once I got to work I got to talk to my sis for a long time on the phone which was nice. I don't talk to her enough.

And now I'm watching all the episodes of Season two of New Girl. Best show ever. And funniest. I love it so much. If Grey's Anatomy and New Girl were the only shows on TV right now, I'd be fine.

And the best part of today is that it's actually my Friday. I don't have to work tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited! :)

My period started. Thank God. Now at least I know why I'm being irrational and emo. I mean, at least I have an excuse now anyway.

The extra litter boxes I added around the house for Calv are working. He isn't peeing on everything currently and I'm glad about it. I mean, it sucks cleaning more than one litter box a day, but it sure beats cleaning piss off the floor all the time. Crazy cat.

I also got some extra boxes from work and make him a little "Cat cave". I like it more than he does and he has yet to actually sleep in it. He does enjoy chewing on the cardboard, though. So it's all good. ha

My life is sooo cool. Obviously.

Hormones can suck it.

I hate crying. I hate crying even more when I'm at the truck stop. I feel so awkward and lame when I cry and then add random truckers asking what dude they need to kill. I mean, it's sweet of them...I just don't like it.

For the most part I think I'm okay with my past and usually I am okay with it- then days like today happen and I get to relive it and then I freak out a little. Thank goodness Sof is so sweet and just listened to me cry via phone even though she has to wake up early for school.

Moral of the story: I'm going to start my period in the very near future and I'm hormonal, missing Sof, and overall crazy. Hopefully I'll be "normal" soon. :)

This post goes out to my only reader, whether it's by pity or not, Ashlee Adkins.

Hi!

You're great. You should update me on your life.

K, thanks.

Bye!

shoulda, woulda, didn't.

I had big plans for "fall break"- and the only noteworthy thing I did was when I got to see Sof. Other than that, besides work, I haven't really done much. I'm okay with it but it's a little depressing that today is my last day off from work and school. I guess that's life.

On a positive note, I bought not one, but two more litter boxes for my crazy ass cat. Hopefully he'll like them and start peeing in them instead of randomly around my house. That would be neat. He is being so crazy lately and it's making me a little crazy.

Well, it's almost 5am and I'm not at work ...and I'm not really sure why I'm awake. I am missing Sof like crazy and just wish she could be here. I know that's not realistic, but a girl can dream. Someday.

Goooooodnight, to anyone who actually reads this stupid blog. ha

puffy eyes

Every night/day/morning when I go to sleep I feel fine. When I wake up my eyes are glued shut and I have puffy eyes. Everyone says it's because I'm allergic to Calv but I've had him for a year and this has only been happening for a few weeks. So perhaps I am now magically allergic to my baby but I doubt it. And even if I am, I wouldn't put him outside anyway.

I've listened to the Perks of Being a Wallflower soundtrack on repeat for 2 days and I love it. So good.

I'm wearing some pants I bought while I was with Sof over the weekend. The look dorky, but I like them anyway. Same with my new shoes- probably not very fashionable, but I'm comfortable and it meets the "dress code" for work.

I got so much sleep before work. I don't even know what to think. I mean, I'm still tired, but I feel lots better tonight than I did last night. Plus, my mom made me dinner. Nom nom

I miss Sof like crazy- good thing she doesn't live too far away. But it still sucks.

April's ex-boyfriend had a baby and got married to someone who looks like could be his mom. I got pictures and I'm excited to show her in the morning. BAHAHA...I love seeing pictures of exes (mine and otherwise)-- most of them are pretty comical, to say the least. Boy are we lucky to be with the people we're with today, eh April? :)

I was gonna have a "craft" day tomorrow all day-- but instead I think I'll sleep. Sounds much better and I don't really have anything in particular I wanna craft anyway.

My blog is a shit show- and I don't care. Don't read it if you don't wanna.

K bye!

Grateful

I'm tired but I'm happy. And I'm grateful. For lots of stuff. 

• While I was visiting Sof, I got 3 or 4 new pairs of pants and got them all for veryyy good deals. I'm glad because the only two pairs of jeans I own now have holes in the crotch. So hot. 
• Sof got me some cute shoes (she doesn't like them)- and I love them. 
• I get to sleep today. All day. I hope. 
• Calv- he was so cuddly when I got home tonight before coming into work. I love it when we get to cuddle because he's not being hyper and crazy. 
• I get to live alone (no roomies) and I can walk around naked anytime I want. And I like that. A lot. Plus, I rarely have dishes because I don't use them these days. 
• While I was with Sof (even though I was kind of a bitch about it) we went to Petland and it was so cute. So many cute puppies and kittens. OMG. And they had a dog stroller that I want to get for Calv. 
• I can't get over how good The Perks of Being a Wallflower is- and how much I want to see it again. Thanks Sof for taking me to see it. Best date ever. 
• We ate In N Out. Yummmm. 
• We also ate at The Omlet House. I love that place. 
• Energy drinks. I know I say this all too often, but holy shit...I'd be dead without them. 
• No school on Monday or Tuesday. I am beyond grateful for this. 
• I get to go home in one hour. That's great news. 
• I'm grateful for my fam. They really are so great. 
• I'm grateful that Sof doesn't hate me for being awkward. I met her step-dad and his girlfriend. They were both very nice and even though I felt awk (like always).. I guess it wasn't so bad. Now to meet her dad and step-mom....my anxiety is building. haha
• Chapstick. I don't think I could live without it. Furreal. 
• My sibs. All so different, interesting and rad. 
• My professors. I feel like all of them (even the really boring one) really cares about what they do and about the students. Maybe they don't...but as long as I feel like they do- who cares?
• No snow yet. Best thing ever. 
• This was a weird grateful list..but whatever. 

The Perks of being a Wallflower

Last night I got to spend some time with my girlfriend and we went and saw The Perks of being a Wallflower. I was so excited to see it and I didn't know if it would live up to my expectations; it didn't...it exceeded them by a million times. I seriously loved every second. I cried my eyes out, laughed more than I should ever laugh in a public place and wanted it to keep going forever. Best movie I've ever seen, or at least in a realllllly long time.

Can't wait to buy it! :)

Oh, and my weekend has been lovely. I had Friday night off so I made good use of it. Now I'm back at work and ready to roll. I don't have school on Monday or Tuesday, so hopefully I can clean the shit outta my house and get ready for the next week.

Early morning ramblings

I didn't work last night and I woke up at 4:30am- after trying to sleep for the last 3 hours I decided that I might as well wake up and dye my hair. One less thing to do later today. One more night of work and then I get a mini-vacation. So stoked.

I need to get a professional photographer to photograph Calv. I mean really, who wouldn't want to take pictures of such an adorable little guy? ha

I got 100% on my math test. First time in my life. Hopefully I can pass the class and move on with life.  My math professor is pretty awesome and I'm glad that I randomly picked such a good one. Bad math teachers are the pits.

Joey has called me the past two mornings before I call him. Weird because for the last year and a half, I've called him nearly every morning. It's nice to have him call me first. I love that kid so much.

Last night I was thinking about all the cool people that I know and how lucky I am to have such great friends and family. Even though I'm a tired bitch almost all the time, they still love me and want to hang out with me. ha ha...and trust me, that's saying something. April made me get out of bed last night and I'm glad she did. With school full-time and working more than full-time usually, it's nice to have a break.

I don't have school on Monday or Tuesday coming up and I couldn't be more excited for some crafternoons. Seriously, so stoked. I have lots of ideas. I've started lots of the projects but had very little time to complete them. Hopefully I won't have too much homework so that I can actually work on the stuff I want to do!

My classes are all going really well. I hate my adolescent psychology class, which is a little surprising. I don't necessarily hate the content, but I hate the teaching method that the professor uses....AKA, he doesn't have one and he's sort of lame. He doesn't really have a passion for teaching.....or adolescent psychology and he makes that pretty obvious. My favorite class is social psychology- for both the content and the professor. He is brilliant- and his teaching method is one that I can relate to and not get bored...even in a 3 hour class!

I got some new shoes yesterday. My first non-flip flops of the year. And one of like 3 real pair of shoes that I own. I really love them, although I'm afraid that even though they aren't flip flops, they aren't really winter shoes. Damn. I hate shoes. Guess I need to go shopping this weekend since it's supposed to snow real soon.

Life is good- even at 27, being an undergrad and working at the truck stop. Could be worse. I'm still weighing all of my options in regard to grad school- where, when, what..you know, all that good stuff. Part of me wants try and find a decent job and just start paying down my student loans for a couple of years and the other part of me thinks that if I don't just go to grad school right now, I never will. I guess it's not the most important thing. Yes, I'd love to go to grad school and it would be a great experience but if I can do what I love without going I don't know why I would go...We'll see. I have a little while to figure that out.

Even though life is a little bit insane right now, I've never been happier. I just have to keep reminding myself that this is exactly what I want and where I need to be-- when I sit down and think about it, life really couldn't be better right now. 

I made the coolest thing today. I'll post it when I can (after it gets given to someone for their birthday). 

Now I get to math it up. Bye!

Lucky

I am pretty lucky.
I have a rad family, the coolest friends & the sweetest girlfriend.
I'm in school- learning about stuff I care about to get a job that will allow me to help others.
I currently have a job- and even though I'm not particularly fond of it, it pays my bills and it's been good to me. My boss is rad, my co-workers bake me food and bring it to me in the middle of the night, and when I'm sick the cover my shifts. They also give me all their hours- so I can have a bigger paycheck.
I have two of the worlds cutest cats, a car to drive, and my house is warm.
I have food in my cupboards and sometimes people doorbell ditch me and leave treats on my porch (who are you?).

I am currently a little obsessed with finding deals on Ebay. I should probably just deactivate my account, but I can't help it.
I feel like I should not be 27-- where did the last 10 years go?
I like decorating/crafting/painting etc. I might not be the best at it but I like it, so whatever.
Even though I spend 80% of my life at work and 10% at school- the other 10% has been quite fun lately. I love surprise visits from friends and especially my girlfriend.
Ice water, blue monster, and diet coke are what keeps me awake all hours of the night and into the day.
I'm usually pretty emo, especially when it's been 3 days since I have had any real sleep. I can be kind of a bitch, but I don't mean it.
Last night Britt brought me delicious pumpkin cookies and today April brought me dinner. My friends are seriously cool. And obviously very kind.


Sometimes I only see how "hard" my life is...or how much I would rather be sleeping. And then I remember all of this stuff and it makes it all worth it. Someday I'll have a real job and sleep at night...at least I hope.

I have a lot to look forward to right now-- but I'm also learning to enjoy the moment. Right now, life is pretty okay. And I'm happier than I have been in years.

zits

Okay, so I don't think I had acne as a teen-- and if I did it obviously didn't bother me since I don't remember. So then tell me why I have acne right now and I'm 27?

For real though. It's getting worse and worse. I can't really afford to go to the dermatologist and last time I went they didn't help anyway. How can I stop this nonsense and start looking like I'm an adult and not a 12-year-old-pre-pubescent teen? HELP!

doubles and homework

• I've been coming into work a few hours early most nights, making my 8.5 hour shift into 11 or 12 hour shifts. Somehow I seem to forget how miserable working for 12 hours and then going to school for 6 hours can be--and I repeat it. Some of it isn't by choice, obviously. I need a job and I actually need the extra hours. I just wish I had a sugar daddy. Or something cool like that. 
• I took my social psych exam on Tuesday and since we only meet once a week and the professor was sick one week (and we missed a chapter) I get to do a "take home exam" for extra credit. It's going to take my whole weekend, but at least I'll get paid to do it at work, I guess. 
• I have so many things I want to craft/decorate/make/color on- so today after my math test I got out all my crafting stuff with the high hopes of getting a few minutes of craft time in. After I got it all out- I didn't want to do it anymore and wrote my social theory paper instead. Smart move, since it's due in 6 hours. I miss the carefree days of crafting and cuddling with my Calv. 
• Speaking of Calv...everyday when I leave for work/school/anything I just hate to leave Calvie. He follows me around everywhere I go at home and I just feel bad for leaving him. I know he probably just sleeps, eats and poops the entire time I'm gone, but I sure hate leaving. It's nice to have someone love me/be obsessed with me like Calv is...ha
• It snowed. Tonight. Just barely at work. I have picture proof. Gross. I hate snow.
• "Fall break" at school is coming up and I couldn't be more ready. I think I'm going to take a snow day for myself tomorrow. I mean, probably not- but I want to so much. Just talking about it makes me so happy. I could use a good 12 hour nap before I come back to work tomorrow. 
• Just now a trucker came in and said he needed someone to jump his personal car (which was parked across the street--too far for me to leave and go over there)--he asked if he could take my truck. I had never seen the man in my life but decided that even if he stole it, I could probably get a new one. I gave him my keys and off he went. About ten minutes later I have my truck back and my gas tank went from empty to half. People are pretty cool.

So...besides the snow:

Life is good. Basketball starts this month, I get to see Sof, and I get a few days off from school. I think I'll live...

Happiness is...

• missing math 2 days in a row and still being able to catch on. 
• sleeping in and missing the most boring class of my life. 
• cuddling with Calv which he snores up a storm. 
• getting a random Friday off next week so I can see my gf! 
• working extra hours whilst getting paid to do math. hours and hours of math. 
• climbing into a clean bed, after a warm shower, after not sleeping for 36 hours. best.thing.ever.
• getting to talk to Joey every morning before he goes to school. 
• getting cute text messages. 
• cleaning the shit outta my house and then just being able to relax and enjoy it. 
• listening to music while getting ready. 
• freshly shaven legs, lotion, and sweats. 
• pedicures. too bad i'm too poor to get one! 
• talking to good friends who I haven't spoken to in a while. 
• better yet...running in to old friends and just catching up (usually at wal-mart or the truck stop)..livin' the dream. 
• sippin' on ice water, diet coke, or blue monster while cruising around
• studying my ass off for my social psych exam and feeling like i did well. guess we'll find out on Tuesday. here's to hoping!
• being busy--but still taking time for myself. 
• playing planet moolah at the sun coast. so old. 
• moving on from people (person) i didn't think i'd ever be able to get over. :]
• hoodies, hot chocolate, and good books. 
• no snow. not yet anyway!
• my family. immediate, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc. i really do have a wonderful family. 
• being sober and not having to have a drink in order to be happy...or function. that's neat. 

perfection

Today started out to be a shit show--you know, before the day even started when I was getting off of work at 7am. I could just feel that today wasn't going to be my day. Most Monday's aren't actually "my day". I'm usually so exhausted from the weekend and then working before school, that by the time I actually get to school I just want to cry. 

Today was different. 

As I got to the school an hour before my 9am class so I could continue to study for an important exam tomorrow, I just had this rush of happiness. I'm not sure why or what happened, but I just sat in the classroom by myself and enjoyed the moment. As I was sitting there I couldn't help but think about all the things that have happened over the course of the last 18 months; I couldn't be happier with how things are turning out. Life, although far from perfect, is pretty awesome right now.

Today I'm grateful for so much-- so I will just name a few from today/recently:

• I got the cutest video of Scout playing with her crazy cat lady birthday card I gave her. It makes really awful cat noises; she loves it...Tia does not. I love that kid. 
• Calv, even though I want to murder him sometimes when he pees everywhere, is so cuddly and cute today. He hasn't left my side since I've been home. Plus, he's not peeing anywhere right now and he isn't meowing his brains out to go outside. I really do love him so much.
• I got an 'A' on my latest social theory critical essay. I was surprised because I haven't been doing as well in that class as I would like--I got a 'B+' on my last paper (which I thought was one of my better papers)...so today when I saw the 'A', I was relieved and excited. I really do enjoy that class- it's just over my head sometimes. 
• I cleaned the shit out of my kitchen. I'm talking get-down-on-my-hands-and-feet, scrub the shit out of it, clean. With the cats, it's hard to keep anything clean for long--so I'm going to enjoy it while it lasts! Now if only I had the motivation to clean the rest of my house. 
• I'm burning incense, listening to music and getting ready to study for my exam and perhaps write my social theory essay. I love it when I get to do my homework at my house, rather than at work....although, it is pretty nice to get paid to do homework!
• The weather is literally perfect. I love fall. Sometimes I forget how much I love it because I dread winter so much. But if it could stay fall all year round, I'd be a happy camper!
• Took (another) family picture yesterday. Joey is obviously the highlight of our family, as he laid across our laps. What a funny dude. I love that kid so much. I'm so grateful that I get to talk to him every morning before he goes off to school.
• So grateful for my family. I don't see them as often as I'd like, but I sure do love them. Same goes for my friends. I feel like I don't see the people I love very often, but they all mean so much to me. I'm also grateful for a really wonderful, supportive girlfriend. I really couldn't ask for better people in my life. 

So, even the days that start out shitty can turn out to be pretty great. I just need to remember that even though I'm always tired, usually bitchy, and never have enough time, that this will all be worth it. I know that but sometimes it doesn't feel like it. So thanks to everyone who puts up with me even when I'm a hot mess (more often than not). 

Worn out from the weekend

Aren't weekends suppose to be relaxing? Sheesh. I feel like I can never catch a break long enough to sleep for 7 hours in a row. Oh well, at least it was a fun weekend.

• got to go on a baby road trip to see my gf- it was so nice to just spend a little (very little) time with her. 
• Scout's birthday party was fabulous. it was fun to see her having so much fun. plus she made out with like 10 Lalaloopsy (?) dolls, a bike, roller skates, and lots of socks. ;) That kid is seriously adorable and I'm happy I got to help celebrate her 4th birthday. 
• got to spend a little time with my bestie before the b-day party. 
• took a family pic (another one) on grandma's couch. 
• slept for 3 hours and now i'm at work

Monday's are my "bitch" days. I seriously get so tired that I just want to cry--and usually do cry. And then I'm an overly emotional bitch and go to bed at 3pm- resulting in waking up at 1am--which makes for an extra long Tuesday. It's a never ending cycle of bitch and it just so happens that Monday's are my breaking point. If only school didn't exist on this day...If only. 

24 hours

One of my most favorite things to do is drive-- and naturally, I love going on road trips. Lately, though, it seems my road trips are much shorter than I would like but still make for a very enjoyable time. On Friday evening I drove to my girlfriends house- hung out for 16 hours and came home. It was one of the best days I have ever had. We didn't do anything spectacular- just hung out. 

I got to see her house, which I fell in love with. Everything about it was so perfect and charming. And beautiful. I seriously want it. Bad. I took pictures, but they don't do it justice. I just walked around and looked at everything because I just couldn't even handle how amazing it was. I can't wait to go back. 

Since I got there late and she was working late, we just went for a drive and listened to music. She showed me some of her favorite places and we just talked and laughed. It was simple and amazing. 

The next morning we went to breakfast at a cute little diner. It was eccentric and delish. I had a BLT and potato spuds (heavenly). After that we went on another drive and she showed me the bars her step-dad owns. Seriously, why didn't I know of any cool bars when I was drinking?! I got ripped off. Oh well, at least I remember these bars and could actually drive away from them. 

That afternoon Sof had to go back to work and I needed to come home (because my baby Calv needs me). It was a short, fun, simple trip and I'm so glad I got to go. I usually don't get Friday nights off work and for some random reason, I had it off--so glad I got to go see Sof's house and just get out of Cedar for a minute. 

Tomorrow is party time! Scout is turning 4 in a couple of days and tomorrow we're celebrating at the park! Plus, my baby sis is in town. Now if only work would hurry and be over. :) 

Rusty Brains

School is essentially kicking my ass. I feel like I've studied more this semester than I have in my entire life/put more work into school than ever before and it seems like I'm not doing as well as I have in the past, with minimal effort.

The last semester I actually attended school was Spring 2010- and I did very well. Besides that, I was drinking in my car before class, had a water bottle of vodka with me in class and spent most weekends in Mesquite and Vegas partying. I didn't exactly have a lot of time dedicated to studying- although somehow I managed to complete my homework, finished a major research project and got all A's and a B.

Now I'm sober, dedicating most of my free time to studying and feel like I'm doing worse than before. How is this even possible? Not sure, but it's buggin'.

I enjoy all of my classes, aside from Adolescent Development...and that's because the professor is a little off his rocker, to say the least. My social theory class and social psychology are the most challenging for me and have required a lot of my time-- and yet I still feel like I could spend every hour of every day studying and it wouldn't be enough time to grasp everything I need to learn.

How do people do this in real life?