Never a more accurate description of my life right now.

...yep

i'm having a quarter-effing-life crisis...help!

For those who don't know me, I'll soon be 25 years old. In fact, I'll be a quarter of a century old in exactly 177 short days. EEK! 

Okay, okay...for ya'll who are already to the big 2-5 mark and beyond, chillax. I don't think you're old if you're over 25. I'm just a freakin' out a little bit because I always thought that by 25 I'd have a completely different life than I do right now. Ever since I was little I always thought that by 25 I'd "have it all" : sexy husband, white picket fenced in house, little dog in the backyard, 8 (effing) kids, and the president of the young women's. 

Honestly, I've never had, and will never have any of those things...at least not in the way I had planned for so many years. And I'm perfectly okay with it. Sure, sometimes I wonder how much different or "easy" might life could be if I did choose my childhood path and it almost seems worth it. Then I snap back to reality and I remember that I'd end up in a mental institution if this : sexy husband, white picket fenced in house, little dog in the backyard, 8 kids, and the president of the young women's, was my life. 

I don't want a husband. I could settle for a studio apartment in a larger city. A dog, sure, why not? 8 kids, dream on. Church? No thanks.

Yes, I'm freaking out that I'm turning 25 because I have absolutely no idea where my life is going and where I'll end up next...but I guess that's also what I love about my life so much. I have nothing tying me down or holding me in one spot. I am free to blow with the wind; I hope I never get tied down. 

Naturally, I don't want to end up alone and I don't intend to do so. I just don't want the same things I always thought I'd want. Sometimes it's confusing to try and break out of the mold that was made for me and what I wanted for so long; sometimes I don't know if I'm making the right choices.

Confused as I may be, I do know one thing, I know that no matter what I do I'll always have my family and friends and what more could a girl ask for? So to all of you who get to deal with my "quarter-life crisis" freak out sessions, just know that I love you. And until I'm done freaking out and deciding what to do next, sorry I'm a little bitch. xoxo

So here's to making the big 2-5 the best it can be! I can't wait to see what life hands me next! Bring it on! (and trust me, I know I have a while until my birthday)...but just in case you want gift ideas, here ya go:

• books. i love books. 
• music is nice.
• money. 
• a lover? maybe...
• scrabble shit. <3
• notes/cards/letters
• candy

scrabble: my one true love

 Since it's Valentines Day today I thought I'd share with you my love of scrabble. I think I would marry it if I could, so it must be love, right? I don't remember when my love for scrabble began, but I know it was around age 4. My mom has always been an avid word person; she loves scrabble. I remember watching my parents play scrabble for hours on end. I was fascinated by the game and always wanted to play with them.

When I was around 9 years old, I met Lily (and Max) when they moved in across the street from us. They were in their 60's at that time, I think. Anyway, Lily also had a passion for words and was an excellent scrabble master. I would go to her house every Sunday and she would play with me, teach me new words, and show me strategies. Looking back on these times I can only imagine how frustrating that might have been for her. I mean, I was 9 years old and she was brilliant.

The older I got, the less appealing scrabble became. I didn't want to play Scrabble...I wanted to be cool. I don't think I played more than ten times my entire high school career. And then it happened. My boyfriend at the time left on his mission and I needed a hobby. My mom got out the Scrabble board and it's been history ever since. I love Scrabble. I love speed Scrabble, regular scrabble, any kind of Scrabble.

I love Scrabble so much that I want to dedicate an entire room to the cause if I ever get my own pad. I want a Scrabble table (Lily has an amazing one), clock, pictures, pillows, etc. Trust me, I have it all planned out. It will be awesome. And then maybe one day I'll play in a Scrab tourny. How RAD would that be?!

P.S. I have decided I want to start collecting Scrabble boards or anything to do with the game. So, if you're ever wondering what I want for my birthday (Sept. 4) or Christmas, you know what to get me!

Valentines Day: the best of times and the worst of times....

Valentines Day is a day of mixed emotions for a lot of people. Is it one of happiness and love or one of despair and hopelessness? Well, for me, it's one that I just don't really care about. I mean, yeah, I've had plenty of lovers and fun times on V-Day; I guess it's not terrible. I, for one, am a big supporter of showing your significant other that you love them. I just don't see the point of dedicating a day to buy them shit to prove that love. Here is a (small) list of my reasoning behind my take on the ol' V-Day:

• I am the least romantic person I've ever met. Literally. 
• Roses don't make me think you love me.
• Sick love notes on Hallmark cards with little to no thought put into them make me wanna barf.
• A day dedicated to people who are "in love" so that they can express their love seems a little pathetic. I mean, can't you just be in love all the time and not have to have a specific day set aside to be mushy?
• I don't have any plans; it's on a Sunday so there will be nothing going on in the thriving metropolis of Cedar City.
• I don't think pink and red, alone, go well together. Make it a rainbow and it's much prettier, but plain pink and red are gaggy. I don't like it. 
• Doileys (if that's how to spell it) are disgusting and it seems people like them around V-Day. Why?! 
• Wearing underwear that say "I Love You" is one thing, but wearing full-on sex outfits with lips, hearts, and "kisses" on them is really weird. Just have sex, don't be a clown or something. 
• Chocolate is fine and I'll take it if you wanna give it to me, but my fat ass really doesn't need it. Thanks!
• Love "coupons" make me wanna gag myselft with a fork nine times. I mean, honestly, I don't think that even my dirty mind could top what some of those "coupons" offer. It's one thing to do certain things spontaneously but it's a whole new level when you offer your "services" by way of coupons. Unless it says "make your bed for a week", "wash the dishes", or "clean the bathroom for a month" I don't want your damn coupons. 
• People waste a lot of money on not very delicious food. Pizza and a movie would be much better than some gross "fancy" dinner. If you could get on that right now, I'd really appreciate it. 
• I'd rather watch basketball in my bed alone than be on an awkward date with some dude I don't really like. 

 *this list is in no way meant offensively to those of you loving people who are in relationships and sometimes do really nasty things for love. i still love you and hope the very best for you and your significant other. just keep your hands to yourself when you're around me and we're good to go. i promise to do the same around you, cause trust me, you don't wanna see me gettin' it on.

"why aren't you married?"...

It seems I get the infamous "why aren't you married" line quite often these days. So here's to all you curious folk and the answers to why I am not married. First of all, let me make it perfectly clear that I am super happy for all of my married friends who have found happiness in doing so.

Now, lets get down and dirty.

People seem to equate love and marriage with beauty: "You're so pretty...how come you aren't married?" or "Wow, for such a beautiful girl it seems like it'd be easier to find a husband".  Thanks for the compliments folks, but really? I think I'll start saying, "Wow, for such a plain person you sure found a looker to marry you!" or "Holy shit, I can't believe someone actually wanted to marry you with your snaggle tooth and pimple face. Congrats!".

The next thing people bring into my whole "marriage dilemma" is that I'm too liberal. Someone actually told me that if I would "just stop thinking so damn much maybe boys wouldn't feel so intimidated by me and would want to ask me on a date"...Um, really? No, thanks! Maybe it is just a phase (me being liberal), but I like it and I'm not going to change that so I can find a husband.

"If you were active in the church you'd be married by now for sure!"...huh? No I wouldn't. God has nothing to do with marriage. Sure, I might be in a singles ward filled with lots of potential mates but I'd also want to rip my hair or slice myself with a dull blade. So for now it's probably best if I don't do that.

I'm 24 years old people. I still have a long time to "find my eternal companion". I want to see the world, live in a trailer in Death Valley, make new friends, dye my hair pink (again), get a tattoo, live in Hawaii, and cure world hunger before I get married. Trust me, I'm not bored...I'm pretty sure that if you're worried about me finding a husband it's you who are bored. Get a hobby and leave me alone. Thanks and have a great day!

I'll be just fine, you'll see.

weddings, facebook, and me being a bitch.

Sue me. I'm a bitch; I can admit it.

 Ready...set...CHANGE YOUR STATUS TO MARRIED (30 seconds after gettin' hitched, preferably)!

Okay, so here we go. It really bothers me, dear friends, when you get married (yay! for you and that you found your "eternal companion") and then spend the whole day of  and the week following your wedding on freaking FACEBOOK. We don't care what waterfall you saw today, go have sex or something. Don't update your status every 12 minutes letting us know you married the best dude in the world. I mean, I hope you're happy and all but lets just enjoy your time with your spouse and leave your computer out of it.

Below we see this romantic little devil updating his status during the wedding ceremony. Nothing says true love like letting all the other women on Fbook know he's taken now. Way to be on top of things dude!

While I do admit that I update my status like a mad-woman and I like it. A lot. I am not getting married, nor will I be getting married in the near future, if ever. I am not updating my status on the day that I give it up to someone for the first time, making eternal commitments to God and another human, or traveling the world on a romantic honeymoon. I'm just chillin' in Cedar, probably at work or school. You, my dear newly wed, should be doing something else rather than updating your effing status for the world to see.

Have a good day.

Warm regards,                                              

Jill                                                                                   

this is how we do it..

I totally forgot about my old blog until today and boy am I glad I kept it around in the archives. It's funny how similar I was two years ago without knowing or being okay with a lot of the things that consume my life currently. Although I wouldn't go as far as to say that I'm "on track", I know what I want and I know what I need to do in order to obtain it. Two years ago I was lost on multiple levels and it all makes sense. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

I'm just glad I didn't go along with the crowd on the things I was so confused over two years ago; while I will probably always struggle on some level with certain things, who doesn't? Had I gone along with what was "best for me" at that time and before that, I'd probably be married with two kids and one the way. Although that's great for some people, I would end up in a mental institution if I tried to be that person.

Maybe I'll end up in a mental institution regardless of what I choose to do with my life...but at least I won't be jacking up my kids by doing so.

do you believe in magic and soulmates?

I don't believe in magic. And I don't know if I believe in soul mates, either. Regardless though, of whether or not I believe in soul mates, it's a nice, happy thought. 
I came across this quote a few months ago and was reminded of it today: 

 

Somewhere someone is traveling furiously toward you, at incredible speed, traveling day and night, through blizzards and desert heat,   across torrents, through narrow passes. But will he know where to find you, recognize you when he sees you?
by John Ashbery (Taken from his poem At North Farm)

That quote makes me think about everyone I know. And everyone that I have yet to meet. It's kind of crazy thinking about how many millions of people there are in this world and that just one could be meant for me. Maybe I'll try and take on a more optimistic outlook on the soul mate front and be more open to the idea. 

Wouldn't life be great if your "soul mate" was just written down somewhere and all you had to do was give them a call and everything would obviously work out peachy for the two of you. And naturally you'd live happily ever after...

oh and i apologize i'm an unromantic freak. :)